Are you a Learner? Ep 3

Today, I introduce another bad guy.
You probably know him as @Achi_va but he’s now @TheBawdyPaet and he blogs Here

To all of you that missed the first and second episodes, you can read them by clicking their links below;

Episode 1
Episode 2

And that’s that…
Passing the Mic over….


It was a bright sunny day and all was right with the world. That was a big fat lie. You could tell right? If all of you can tell that I’m lying does that mean I’m overly dumb or all of you are smart? Hhmm…..don’t answer that. You just did right? You called me dumb *sigh* See why I dislike you humans? I’m getting really bad at telling lies these days, means I’m getting nearer to heaven’s gates. I can feel it sister, hell is not my portion. I just wasted some seconds of your life right? Yeah I’m that awesome. Now pay attention.

• • • •

It wasn’t a bright sunny morning and all was definitely not well with the world. There I was chilling on my own, minding my own business and trying not to look any ‘agbero’ in the eyes. You can never be too careful with these people. I hear they smoke all kinds of things, one minute they’re smiling at you, and the next? Well……find out for yourself.

I had just finished a class in school and was on my way home. I was feeling awesome and all, maintaining my “fine boy no pimple” persona and waiting for a ‘not too full’ bus that was going my way. I couldn’t rush for a bus even if my life depended on it, fine boys like me don’t do that…No…No. We leave struggles like that to you normal people. I can smell your hate already, not cool, did I create myself?

There were many other people there at the bus-stop, people of all shapes and sizes. I particularly noticed this extremely skinny man and a fat woman standing in front of me. If you stack like four of the man together, I doubt if you’ll get half the body mass of the woman. She could easily have passed for his mother; this was till I saw them exchange giggles and all. I was so shocked I almost lost my footing. I didn’t notice when this young man made it to my side. The first thing he said was:

Uncle ejo e help me (Uncle please help me)

I pretended not to hear, there was no way he was talking to me.

Uncle se e fe so pe, e gbo mi ni?(Do you want to pretend you cannot hear me?)

I kept pretending not to hear him, I started to walk away and he followed.

Uncle please can you help me. I just need money to get home, see my ID card. I am a student from Onitsha, I came here to see my brother in Lagos. You see, when I got to his house I found out he had packed out

My first reaction was utter disgust; I really needed to leave this place.

I don’t have anything to give you, leave me alone

He kept at it. I kept walking not even minding where I was going.
Ah Uncle, please I have nowhere to go

I was getting scared; he was already making a scene. A fine boy like me was not made to deal with all this drama, I needed to get rid of this nigga, and fast too.

Broda, even if na only, 20 naira, anything you have

I brought out my wallet and scavenged for N20 amongst all the N500 notes that were available. I could feel his surging eyes. This was my biggest mistake of the night; it was the beginning of the end. I ended up giving him N50. Did you really think I’d find N20 in my wallet? Woe unto ye…unbeliever.

At this point I discovered I was the only one standing at that part of the road and we were no longer at the bus-stop. And oh did I forget to mention it was about 8pm at night? I left that out.
I was screwed and I knew it, when he saw the reaction on my face, he smiled. I began to sweat, my only option now was turn around and run. As I turned to run, I saw three hefty looking men staring at me. Oh this was it, it is finished.
The biggest one among them called out:

Moshood wan bi (Moshood come here).

I spaced out; a dirty slap brought me back to the reality of the situation. It was from the one that had been begging me for a while now.

No be you dem dey follow talk? Abi your ear no dey work again?

Tunde fi le the biggest one said.
I immediately went to the one that called me. As I got to him, he fixed another slap perfectly on my left cheek. I fell to the ground, and no I was not seeing stars, I was seeing my ex laughing at my weak ass.
Get up now He howled.
The others just stood silently, watching and waiting for my great escape.

Next time I call your name you reply ‘yes sir’ Moshood wan bi’ ‘Yes sir’ ‘Moshood wan bi’ ‘Yes sir’ you hear?

Yes sir

Oya go back

I went back to where I was standing initially.
Moshood wan bi

Yessir I replied and walked up to him. I tried to maintain calm, composure was everything at this point.

Empty that your bag

I keep forgetting things; a fine boy like me should not be this dumb. I was carrying my newly acquired dell XPS. I could not run now, it was at this point I felt a certain type of warmth trickle down my legs. I was wearing a pair of really skinny jeans, so it was impossible to hide. I have never felt so ashamed in my life.

Ah o ti to sara sha (Ah he has wet himself) They exclaimed

The biggest one replied: Ode ma leleyi (This one is a fool)
They ordered me to remove my pants. I did so without hesitation and handed it to them. I emptied all that was in the bag, mostly books and the laptop.
They took everything. I didn’t know area boys liked to read or maybe they didn’t, that wasn’t the point now. They had taken everything I had on me, my wallet, bag, everything except my inner shirt and boxers.
You don’t want to know how I got to my house that day.

Policeman: So you fit tell us say you piss for body?
Me: But you said I should tell you everything.
Policeman: Is that all that happened?
Me: Yes sir.
Policeman: dem lap you inside bus come lagos?
Me: sir?
Policeman: Are you a learner?
Me: ……………

If you believe this story really happened, you are definitely a learner….

Took me a while to get a lesson out of it but here goes;

    Do not talk to a stranger…..
    Except She’s super hot or Me :d



20 thoughts on “Are you a Learner? Ep 3

  1. First to comment… Mehn! So hilarious! I almost believed it was true sha….Moshood wan bi…Yes sir…av learnt a helpful lesson.


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