The Fear of the Bump

The Fear of the Bump _ Sourced from Google

The Fear of the Bump _ Sourced from Google

Time to get serious, Folks….

The world in which we see today; one where the ‘taboos’ are suddenly common and the ‘abominations’ have suddenly become the norms. Quite alarming I would say, I get so perplexed when I see what used to be a taboo has suddenly been accepted, especially by the youths.

Once upon a time, pre-marital sex was likened to slaying a dragon or performing a more daring act. Traditions and customs barred youths from indulging in it and the punishment was quite brutal so one’s common sense naturally would detest from having anything to do with it. In ancient yorubaland and some other African cultures, the groom had to send to his bride’s parents a white cloth soaked in her blood which signaled that he met her a virgin and that in fact he was satisfied. This was a thing of great joy then, village girls looked forward to it and pride and prestige came to the family that the virgin came from; you can imagine the shame the family of the non-virgin girl faced. Even the tension the girls themselves had to face; the fear of getting disgraced the day after your ‘big’ wedding, that fear so strong, it’ll make you keep your legs closed.

Unfortunately, its a different ball game these days.

Some ladies now find it a sort of swag or ReP to have sex before marriage. Its almost like a competition now. You see a clique and their main motive is to see who can sleep with the highest number of boys or another one where its members discuss how the experience felt, pushing the innocent ones to join them in the process. “The earlier you do it, the bigger your reputation”. We see all of this today and the elders all but wonder where we (or they) got it all wrong. Pardon me if my emphasis is on the ladies but nobody would ever find out if a guy is a virgin or not except he does some tests but who would want to go through all that? But for the ladies, its so easy to discover that.

Virginity is something you can never get back but when you cant even hide if you’ve done it, you’d be smart enough to abstain or like that famous advert said “Zip Up!”

Don’t get me wrong, sex is awesome, that’s why God created it in the first place but its meant for married couples alone and as much as our elders, teachers and religious leaders make abstaining seem so easy, it actually isn’t. Adolescent years are when our sexual tensions are heightened; “Konji” is rampant and any attention given to it most times ends in regrets.

So a very good question here is “How can I make abstaining an easy exercise?”

A lot of folks give billions of reasons why you should wait but they never specify tips on making waiting easier. In those days, they had traditions and customs right behind their shoulders and the fear of disgrace made abstaining easy but today it boils down to personal dignity. There are some tips on making abstaining easy though; Morals, Religious values, Fear of your husband getting disappointing (Today’s guys font really care if their spouses are virgins anymore so this doesn’t really count), but there is yet one method that’s quite rare but its rate of success is quite high, I call it “The fear of the bump.

Going in depth into what the bump meant is not really needed if am right, as almost everybody has been exposed to it one way or another. But just like Ed Sheeran sang; the bump is that bulging stomach that comes with being pregnant.

The fear of the bump is an efficient method for abstaining but it only works if your mind functions well. You see they say when sexual tension sets in, a guy’s thinking faculty switches from his brain to his private part but a mere imagination where you imagine yourself being called dad by a little kid or having to drop out of school to cater and work to fend for your kid can obliterate that sexual tension. Its more efficient for the ladies as they have many more reasons/imaginations to keep them in chck; contacting STDs, or worse still having AIDS but nothing works quite well as imagining yourself cleaning diapers, staying up all night to cater for your child, dropping out of school, and having to go through the excruciating pain that comes with childbirth.

So like the saying “a mother’s words can be more lethal to a child’s conscience than stokes of the cane”, the right words and thoughts at the point when the tension is at its maximum can render an already upstanding man docile or cancel out the sexual tension.

A method I used to play on myself to resist doing something was imagining the consequences of that thing failing woefully. So if you think you can’t stand the sexual tension or peer pressure, you should start getting ready to push an 18pounds baby out of yourself and start preparing to change your wardrobe when your clothes dont fit with your bulging stomach.

The result is overwhelming and if you feel you still need to go on with it, make sure you send us a postcard so we can cover your naming ceremony. We would be delighted to offer our services.

With Love,

Mike Dammy

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