Joshua Fela – Episode 3 “Ronke”

Joshua Fela - Episode 3_Original Picture sourced from google

Joshua Fela – Episode 3_Original Picture sourced from google

Josh here.

Its still not my story though, its Ronke’s.



Did that idiot just try to kiss me? Yuck! Nath just tried to kiss me! Has my standard dropped or something? The boy must be stupid.

I continued walking until I was out of sight. I had just experienced the worst moment of my life and I feared my reputation was going to suffer. I just hope nobody saw us.

“I’m sure nobody did.” I assured myself but my mind felt differently. The stigma of a geek kissing a babe like me was beginning to set in and everybody I passed on my way seemed to be whispering.

Jesus. Temi ba mi big time, people know already.

I could feel tears swelling up in my eyes and I started jogging towards my dormitory. Now everybody started turning around to look. My unkempt Brazilian hair was probably making a scene behind me or maybe they just knew.
In three minutes, I was standing in front of my room. The door tag with the inscription B26 looked strange now or maybe it was just my tear laden eyes that were creating the illusion. I stretched forth my hand to open the door and it opened itself. No, Shade opened it from the inside.

At my sight, Shade gasped in surprise and laughed at herself afterwards. She commented on how fearful she had gotten of recent.

“Even cockroaches scare me now.” She said.

“Hurray!” Chloe exclaimed with sarcasm written all over her voice. “You have finally become a girl.”

“Ode!” Shade retorted. “So, I wasn’t a girl before because I wasn’t scared of rodents”

“No o… you were now, a girl with six perks and a dick.” Nike teased and the whole room burst into laughter.

I took a while to survey what was supposed to be my room. It looked the same as when I left it this morning. The colourful yellow wallpapers with a touch of pink to it courtesy of Chloe’s incessant urge to be a child adorned the walls. The neatly arranged furniture, the little stove by the west wing of the room and then the girls.

Chloe was wearing a white Cinderella sort of gown with a pink beret and bow as usual. I still can’t believe I had lasted this long with her as my roommate. Her mind had a close resemblance to the minds of the dumb blondes we always saw in movies and series. No wonder her parents called her Chloe sef. Which Igbo man in his right senses calls his daughter Chloe. What happened to all their traditional names especially the ones that start with ‘Chi’ like Chiamaka and Chika, our next door neighbours.

Shade was in her typical indoor attire; a white singlet over a pair of jeans. It’s still a marvel to me as to why she wears the singlet. She could as well not wear anything because left to me; they play no role at all, especially when they are supposed to cover her boobs. I doubt an XXL shirt would even keep those double D ‘things’ out of sight. She was definitely the goddess among us. I turn to look at Nike and I’m not disappointed, the bitch is naked.

What kind of human being doesn’t k…

“Ronke?” Nike’s high pitched voice interrupted my thoughts. “Why are you standing in front of the door like a vampire? Are we supposed to welcome you in?” She laughed.

Nike had always been the joker in our clique. Her skinny frame with her saucy attitude complemented her personality perfectly. I tried to give her a look of disgust and tried hard to resist the urge to stare at her tiny breasts, that’s if they can be termed breasts at all.

“Nike…” I finally said as I stepped into the room. “Please get your bare butt off my bed and carry yourself and those things you call boobs out of here”

“What? You mean you don’t like my butt on your sheets?” She rubbed her butt in circular motions along my bed sheet and I held myself from puking.

Is it the bed I’ll sleep on that this idiot is…

“Don’t make faces jor.” She added.
I sighed, sat on a chair and cleared my throat to speak;

“If Nike doesn’t get off my bed in three seconds, you guys are going to miss out on the gist I have for you”
Everybody’s ears twitched and all eyes were set on me as I completed the statement. For the brief moment, I basked in the attention and looked in the other direction hissing as I did.

Quick, Nike was out of the room and came back in a record time of thirty seconds fully clothed. We stared in amazement and took turns to look at each our faces with our mouths agape. Chloe spoke first.

“Nike.. how.. how did you..”

“Never mind. Never mind”. She waved Chloe off, grabbed a pillow and jumped on my bed with her eyes fastened on me.

“Oya Ronke, we’re waiting for you.” She said with a grin on her face.

“Okay.” I snapped out of the trance and adjusted my chair so I could see my audience better.

“Today..” I paused. “…is the most embarrassing day of my life.”

They nodded their head in unison. “Okay, cool story. Is that all?”

“You all know Nath shey?”

Chloe answered. “Nath in our course?” They shared glances and I tried to read their minds to no avail.

“Yes.” I replied. I was about to continue when Nike interrupted; “You guys know I’m not in your class right?”

Shade who had been quiet most of the time finally spoke. “Nike, you will learn about him later. Ronke, continue”

“He tried to kiss me.”

The room is quiet for a second. In that short period, I closed my eyes and waited for their hysterical laughter and insults but I heard nothing. After a while, I opened my eyes to meet their blank stares.

“Did you guys just hear me? I said Nath almost kissed me!”

“Yea, we heard you the first time.” Nike replied. I sensed a lack of interest in her voice.

“Then why are you guys calm about it?”

“Because we already knew.” Chloe answered. “Chiamaka saw everything and took pictures and they are all over BBM.”

“That’s why we weren’t surprised.” Shade added. “Everybody knows.”

I felt my legs wobble under my weight and…


I yawned for the umpteenth time and adjusted my body on the plastic chair I was seated on. Today’s service was unbearably boring and half of the congregation felt the same way as students were slouching and dozing in various positions.”

“This chair is so uncomfortable.” I commented.

“I know right!” Shade responded.

I looked in her direction and what I saw made me chuckle. Her eyes were red from fighting too hard against sleep and she didn’t look like she was winning.

“You should see your eyes.” I said. “You look like a hardened smoker.”

“You haven’t seen yours yet, so don’t talk.” She replied.
We both laughed and only stopped laughing when an usher told us to hush. We made faces at him immediately he turned away and I would have insulted him. If he didn’t look good in his official outfit; the black waist coat on an immaculate white shirt and black pants.

“Is it my fault that the service is dry?” I asked no one in particular.

“I wonder o. They’ll just be disturbing us, because we are girls. Why cant he disturb that buff guy sitting in front?”

“You want him to sign his death warrant ni?” We giggled again and quickly composed ourselves when another usher looked in our direction. Soon we got bored and decided to listen to the preacher and we were dozed off again but awakened when we heard Nike giggling and mouthing words”

“Nike.” Shade called.

“Yea.” She answered without looking up from her phone.
“So wa alright sha? What is making you laugh?”

“Its Ronke o.”

“I don’t understand.” I replied puzzled. “How am I making you laugh all the way from here?”

“Not you jor, your gist, your picture has gone viral, everyone is talking about it. In fact someone just asked if you and Nath are going out… I’m going to reply ‘Yes’”

“You dare not.” I threatened. “Don’t be stupid”

“Oops! Already did.” She shrugged her shoulders and shone her teeth ironically to the disgust of Shade and I.

“You should see this by the way, it’s crazy. This is why you should get yourself a blackberry and throw all this apple products you’ll be carrying about away. You get the gist first hand; hot and spicy!”

Shade snatched Nike’s phone from her and we quickly skimmed through the updates;

Lafete: Ronke and Nath??!!! Who the hell is Nath??? Ronke has messed up big time!
Sylvia06: hehe. God catch the bitch. Shey she likes forming swagger lord.
Nike_Spice: You have to admit, they do look cute together. :*
Bibi: What is all these noise about Ronke and Nath? Who the hell is this Nath boy btw?? >:O
Twister: Why the f**k does that Nath guy look familiar??!!
Sweety91: Aww Aww…. :$ They look cute together!!
God_Son: @Sweety91. IKR!!!

I stared in amazement and only closed my mouth after Shade told me to.

“Guys.” I muttered. “It’s everywhere. My reputation is dead. I’m going home Shade, I can’t wait for the end of this service.”

The three of us hurried out of the church and headed in the direction of the canteen because I said I needed a drink. We were on our way when Nike suddenly stopped us. She fiddled with her phone, looked up a couple of times and back to her phone.

“Nike, what is it?” I asked angrily.

“Is that not Mr. Lover boy coming?” She pointed in the direction of the male dormitories. I put my hand to my face to shield my eyes from the sunlight, strained my eyes and say Nath coming towards us.

That Nike girl really has some bad ass eyesight.

I was about to rush towards him but Shade held me back.

“Calm down Ronke, it’s never worth making a scene.” She said.

Nike grumbled and threw her hands in reckless abandon.

“What is wrong with you Shade? Must you always be a doting mother? Leave her, let her go and beat him. Maybe the gist would get to Linda Ikeji this time and we will be famous and…”

I shot her a bitter look and she halted in her speech.

Nath waved at us when he saw us and walked towards us. When he got to our side, we exchanged pleasantries and Nike quickly engaged him in a conversation about random stuff while Shade and I stared on without any form of interest. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I interrupted them.


“Yes.” He replied and looked at me.

“What happened yeste…”

“Shh..” he interrupted me and directed me to a secluded area away from the girls.

So you like privacy, yet you tried to kiss me in public. Idiot!

“Josh, chill for me, I’ll be right back.” He said before we walked away. I paused in my steps and looked at the other two, “who the hell is Josh?” I whispered. They both shrugged and shook their heads.

After we left, Shade asked, “did you introduce yourself as Josh or whatever he said”

“No, is my name Josh? I thought he was talking to you.”Nike replied.

“Ronke, I’m really sorry about what happened yesterday. It was a big mistake on my path” Nath pleaded.

“Mistake? You call that a mistake? Dude, the whole school knows for God’s sake and youre calling it a freaking mistake.”

I advanced on him until I felt his breath on my face.

The idiot better not kiss me now.

“Do you know how rotten my reputation has become?”

“I’m really sorry. I’ll try and fix it but first, I need you to do me a favour”

“What?” I snapped.

“Please, don’t let josh find out.”

I stopped in shock and paused to think.

Who the hell is Josh?

He was out of hearing distance and I couldn’t ask him so the girls and I just waved him goodbye as he walked away.

“Girls, I think something is wrong with Nath.”

“Oh, you notice too,” Nike replied. “He called me Josh.”

I corrected her; “No, he didn’t. Shade, do you remember Josh?”

She shook her head and I ransacked my mind to remember his full name.

“It was Fe-something… Fe…la… yes, it was Fela! Joshua Fela”

“True, true. His nickname was Josh abi. Are you inferring Nath is se…”

“Hello o!” Nike interrupted. “Ladies, what are you talking about? Why am I being left out here?”

I exchanged glances with Shade and winked at her. “Never mind, I’ll gist you later. What I need now is a cold drink. Let’s go to the canteen please”

“What drink has the highest amount of colouring in it?” I whispered to Shade.

“I don’t know, zobo I guess”

“Okay. You guys should chill, I’m coming”

I hurried to the canteen, bought two bottles of zobo and returned to meet the girls.

Nike was the first to speak; “Aww. You bought zobo for me, how nice. Shade, in your face!” She poked out tongue and dangled it in Shade’s face.

“Ehen Nike.” I said.

“Yes darling.” She replied in feigning affection.

“Your bbm handle is Nike_Spice right?”

“Yup! In the flesh, baby.” She grinned afterwards.

“Good.” I opened one bottle of zobo and emptied its content on her.

“That’s for calling Nath and I cute.” I forced myself to not burst out laughing when I saw the look on her face and opened the second bottle and poured it all over her new givenchy shoes.

“And that’s for saying we were in a relationship.”

Shade and I burst into laughter and ran towards the dormitory leaving Nike drenched and dumbfounded.

Bitch! Next time, you don’t f**k with Ronke

To be continued God knows when.


Thanks for reading.
Please drop your comments below.

Mike Dammy
Ff @damstylee on twitter


22 thoughts on “Joshua Fela – Episode 3 “Ronke”

  1. 😥 hian……dee y nau…….do u wnt to kill us wv suspense….buh mehn gud one wv dis….dee u shuld write a book…….I ll market it 4 u……great one…..waiting…..


    • Lol.. You guys are really serious with the names… Don’t worry, I won’t use your names for inspiration then. You have nothing to fear *in superman’s voice*

      And a little secret… Just between us… “Ronke doesn’t exist”… I don’t think I’ve ever met a Ronke in my life sef.


  2. Very nice piece. Make the thing no sha long reach ‘How I met your mother’. Love the suspense. Dammy keep it up, you’re getting better with every piece.


  3. I luv d story,made much sense,buh i thind sme prt f ur words were a bit harsh,i kno dis is d ouside wrld but dude,ur out 2 impact people’s lives not just d adults…nd i luv ur stories dami,its like u were reading dem2 me..


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