#LoveTNC Competition

Disclaimer: I tried imitating the manner in which native black americans speak so anything suspicious is not a Gbagaun.
Enjoy and make sure you drop a comment. 😉

***

The scene opens in the sitting room of my 3-bedroom apartment. I’m seated with my three kids.


Me: Children. Settle down quick. I want to tell you a story and we don’t have time.

Niyola: Story for what?

Me: Shut up. Just listen. Story Story.

Trevone: TF! Sto what? What the heck you talking about man?

Me: Hey. Shut up there Trevone. That’s how they told stories when I was little.

Trevone: Whatever man.

Me: I’m not a man, I’m your father.

Trevone: Technically, you’re a man.

Me: Sharrap, Nigga. So kids, listen. k(C)atherine, I love how quiet you’ve been, keep it up.

k(C)atherine: Dad, my name starts with a K not a C.

Me: No, it doesn’t. From today, you’re Catherine.

Niyola: How does that many any sense?

Me: Shut up!

Trevone: Nigga’s pained.

I smack him on his forehead.

Trevone: Dude. What was that for? Slap me again and I’m gonna call the cops.

Me: The police? In Nigeria? Please do, by the time they get here, I’ll be dead and you’ll be 40.

Trevone: You just bluffing.

c(K)atherine starts crying.

Me: Hey you, why are you crying?

k(C)atherine: I don’t know. Its fun I guess.

Me: Gosh, you guys are unbearable. Where’s your mum when I need her?

Niyola: Errm… You chased her away.

Me: Fuuuu! Don’t say stuff like that here. Don’t you know people are reading and this is supposed to be about love.

Niyola: But Dad, you don’t know what love is.

Me: Iru awo omo wo ni mo biyi? (What kind of kids did I give birth to? Point of correction. I speak love, I teach love, some people even call me love.

Trevone: Liar. This nigga’s crazy. I’m out of here.

He stands up to leave and I drag him back to his seat.

Trevone: What the heck dude?

Me: Stand up one more time and I’ll go exchange you at the orphanage. They be looking for crazy niggas like you.

Trevone: That’s a federal offence. I would get you arrested.

Me: Yea… Yea.. Femme la bush. Just listen to my story and you k(C)atherine; stop crying.

k(C)atherine: Why?

Me: Because big girls don’t cry.

k(C)atherine: Beyonce doesn’t cry?

Me: No, she doesn’t.

k(C)atherine: Ok.

Me: Good, now for the story: There was a man. His name was Mike and he was 40 years old. He was handsome and loving.

Trevone: Hehe. I could have sworn you were talking about yourself until you mentioned handsome and loving. And then I was like; Nah, can’t be you. You ugly AF.

Me: Trevone, if you interrupt me again, I’ll kill you.

Trevone: Ok nigga, ride on.

Me: So the man was handsome and loving. His locks were golden and his right hand jab with a sword was deadly.

Trevone: Nigga switched to Brad Pitt in Troy. No brain. Lol.

I slap him on the right cheek.

Me: That’s for interrupting me. But one day, he was relaxing in the afternoon and a BB10 dropped to him from the sky.

Trevone: TF?

Niyola: What’s a BB10 got to do with this story?

Me: Can’t you just listen? Sha to cut the long story short, he lost the BB10 and he asked me to ask you three to get it for him.

Trevone: Now for the sad part.

Me: First, we’re gonna take a group photograph.

Trevone: Hell no… No way am I taking a picture with you.

Me: Not me. Three of you.

Trevone: Okay. Why are we taking a picture though?

Me: Don’t ask me. Just stay together. Trevone, hold k(C)atherine like a good big brother. Now smile and say cheese.

Trevone: Chee what? Why do we have to say that?

Me: Trev, imma kill you! Just say cheese.

Trevone: Pained Nigga.

Me: Ready? Say cheese.

*click*

Me: Now Trevone, take this picture and go photoshop it. Add “We love you TNC”

Trevone: I knew it! So that’s why you want Katherine’s name to start with a C. You’re a sly fox Papa.

Me: I know. Just hurry.

Trevone: You sure they not gonna nab you.

Me: Hell no. They got one sly dog themselves.

Trevone: Who?

Me: Sirkastiq. Nigga’s crazy. Probably thought of a scheme to win all the prizes for himself.

Trevone: Toolsman and Toxic are not gonna let him.

Me: Let’s hope so. Sha hurry, the deadline is tomorrow.

Trevone: Alright.

Twenty minutes later.

Trevone: Dad, I’m done.

Me: Let me see it.

Me: What?! Trevone, are you crazy? Where is the original picture?

Trevone: Oh, so you thought I was gonna upload my picture to TNC. The whole world reads TNC and its bad enough I look like you, you now want the whole world to know.

Me: Hmm… True that. But these kids are white, you’re black.

Trevone: You see. They not gonna know. I tweaked the HDR setting a little so the kids look brown. No sane human’s gonna notice.

Me: *clears throat* But I noticed.

Trevone: Who said you were sane?

Me: Fuuuu! Get out of here and make another one. Scrap the kids. Nonsense child.

Trevone: Crazy Nigga… Mscheww

***

Well, TNC its being 3 years. 3 awesome years I would say. I won’t call myself an avid fan but I do frequent the site and I have to admit, you’re the role model of blogs in Nigeria and probably Africa too.

So I dedicate this post to you.

Happy 3rd Anniversary!!!

I know my post doesn’t quite follow the theme but I guess creativity got the better part of me. I do want the BB 10 though. 😐

www.thenakedconvos.com/announcement-lovetnc/

Mike Dammy
Ff @damstylee on Twitter

Thanks for reading. Do drop a comment. :d