The Letters | NEPA

Like I said earlier;

Myself and a couple of awesome writers would be posting Letters. Short Letters addressed to anybody. Anybody in the sense that you can see a letter to Beyonce, Batman or maybe a pet cat.

Expect hilarious letters.
Expect crazy secrets to be blown open.
Expect stupendous statements.
Expect the unexpected.

All between now and the new year.

And you can get in on the fun.
Write a letter to anybody. A crush perhaps, a family member… Maybe your evil chemistry lecturer.
Make sure it has a bit of fun and makes sense too and send it to my email;

If its awesome good, we’ll post it today or tomorrow.

I continue with a letter to the beautiful ladies out there.

If you missed the letter addressed to Nollywood; you can read it Here.


* * *

Hello NEPA.

Good day big folks.
First, let me state that my address was titled perfectly. I still cannot address you as PHCN. There’s no real issue there. Its just that myself and several millions of Nigerians grew up chanting “Up NEPA!”
A phrase that could easily have passed as the most spoken phrase on Nigerian soil since Flora Shaw. Many times it was a false alarm ignited by a glint of light or a plot to deceive a family member or friend. A few times its actually been a phrase to depict restoration of power.

Our enthusiasm in exclaiming how ‘elevated’ we think you are means only one thing; most times you were ‘down’. So basically, we rendered positive chants for you in the hope that one day you would actually stay up. And then switching to “Up PHCN” would have been a brilliant scenario of we getting beaten first time and not learning our lesson.

I’ve been a Nigerian for some decades now and I still would never understand why you find so much solace in interrupting power. Especially at night! I mean, you freaking made ‘Tales by Moonlight’ a hit. At least we were sure the moon wasn’t going to suddenly go dim on us. Something you should learn from.

I’ve watched your dealings and I’m pretty sure I’m confused in what your real duty is; Generating power or Keeping it and you and I know the one you excel at. In very short years, you have grown to be our greatest villain. I mean the Joker has nothing on you. The ability to make thousands of people groan at the same time, or the power to make us curse out in anger after one of your escapades. That’s pure genius!

I’m sure you’ve heard stories that our dear president is the most cursed recipient in the country. I’m also sure you know that’s a lie.

I’ve tried to be mild in this letter in case it actually gets through to you. Just so you know, I stay in Ikorodu and we don’t have currently have light. Not that that means anything. I’m  just throwing it out there. Be smart for once for see the short prayer I’ve embedded in the statement.

I wait in anticipation of your favourable response. Please don’t let me down the 144,786th time. Just kidding, its that number multiplied by 100,000. 😀

Mike Dammy

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