This is the biggest shocker still.
For all of you that know Kola, you would agree with me.
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Well i’m not much of a writer but i’ve decided to give it a try this once. So yesterday was my mum’s birthday and my dad gave her what she calls the ‘best gift she’s ever gotten’. It was a hand-written letter (which i’m not gonna be able to read for the next 10 years) * that she says brought tears to her eyes. I knew the old man had flows 😉
Well this letter got me thinking- about love and that ‘forever’ person. I’ve never really been a big subscriber to the whole love thing but in recent times, i started being more adventurous with my heart and sadly, i sewed it to my sleeve, glaring for the world to see and leaving it susceptible to some bruises and dents. The biggest dent i ever got was from the girl whom this letter is about. Lets not waste time talking about that sha and just get straight to the letter. Maybe she’ll see this and fall in love with me one day (I dey dream sha). Well, here goes nothing.
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I get tongue-tied just thinking about you but imma will myself to muster a few words.
I always prayed to never fall in love. That’s because i always fancied myself a realist, and as a result of this i tend to see past the infatuation and the euphoria love brings into its dark depths. I’ve seen the extents to which humans would go just to get a taste, I’ve seen how far they would go just for the butterfly effect and I’ve seen the gut-wrenching misery and agony they experience when love slithers just out of their reach.
So, i decided that would never be me, that is, until the day i met you. Okay it wasn’t the day i met you ‘cos looking back, i actually hated you for some time (the reason is not ya business!). I don’t know when i let my guard down and let you in but i know that since then, I’ve had some of the happiest and saddest times and done some of the most stupid shit ever. Loving you hasn’t been easy because you’ve tried your possible best to make yourself, i’m sorry to say, an A**hole. And you got so good at it that you don’t even know when you’re doing it anymore.
I’ve lain in bed many a sleepless night cursing your name, wondering why i love you in the first place and wishing it would all just go away. Sadly, the next day i’d see you again, walking that funny walk and running from lizards all with the cutest frown ever. You were always so composed, it made me feel like such a kid. And even though i saw all every single flaw clearly, i couldn’t help but see how perfect they made you. I remember how much i tried to be there for you through all your ex drama (yes i was fighting the friendzone -____-), seeing all the pain you were feeling and wishing i could be the one to take it away even though i was more than satisfied with the arms length at which you kept me (at least i could feel ur arm). I also remember how that arms length turned into a mile the first time i ever hinted at having feelings for you. I never wanted to, but the only people who knew i liked you pushed me so hard that i had no choice but to do it.
Long story short, that was the saddest day of my life- Hearing you say “i know, plenty people like me” after i told you i liked you. That just killed me, all the courage i had built up and all the plenty english i had prepared to speak just washed away alongside my pride. I just managed to use my last ounce of energy to try to play it cool, say goodbye and walk away. That night, i knew firsthand how it would feel if the sun got turned off and my heart set on fire.
Sadly, i’ve never really gotten over you and i feel like i never will, but for now i’ll just let you be and let my heart heal. Its been crazy this journey i’ve shared with you in my mind and a part of me will always hope that one day maybe we’ll go on this journey for real. Till then, i’ll be here watching and waiting.
Thanks for the memories,