I woke with hope yesterday. Hope that the world had somewhat regained its sanity over the course of the night. It has been awkward for a while. Women dressing like men and men looking more and more like their female counterparts. Animals suddenly had the balls to walk on all fours and humans are standing upright. The world is mad I tell you. It has gone bananas and I thought I was its only survivor.
I had stepped down from my throne like bed like a king. Veins of plants and fungi cropped the stony background of their illustrious resting place like the amazons and a mighty ingenious grey roof sheltered me from the abomination that came from above. I took the leftover bread from yesterday beside the bed, took a bite and dabbed the rest into a magical liquid in the ground that made the meal more delicious. I felt the raisins in my mouth and shuddered in ecstasy. That was life. If only the world was there to enjoy it with me.
I went into the open after my morning rituals. A woman was engaged in some sort of ritual at the back of the houses. I moved in closer and watched as she poured a clear liquid on her body. Tragic I tell you. A sane person would know that the body must be protected from such filth. She poured the last bit of it on her face, saw me and screamed. I smiled and only stopped when I felt a jab of pain on my nose. Quickly, I fled from the scene. It was getting boring anyway. I decided to hit the market square.
I burst into the market square later in my full regalia and took in the applause that was the noise of market women advertising their goods. Surely, they had to be hailing me in disguise. No sane person should make such noise. But then, they weren’t sane. A dog walking on all its limbs like a human came by and tried to have a sniff at my crotch. I swung my foot at it so hard it rolled over a dozen times on the red earth. A mad woman cursed at me as the dog rolled into her stall. I poked my tongue at her and walked away majestically. People threw glances at me as I strolled across muttering the words of the gods to the spirits around. That was as good as it got.
That’s where it all changed.
It started with the scream of the bathing woman.
That’s him! She said. The mad man that was peeping at me as I bathed.
I laughed and turned in her direction. If she was sane, she would know it was impossible to find a mad man in a multitude of many. That’s when I realized she was pointing at me. Half a dozen clothed mad men headed in my direction and I fled. I fled my brother. When you see mad men coming in your direction,you run. Sadly, there was no other to rescue me. Half a yard later, I was bound hands and feet.
You are all mad. I yelled but nobody seemed to care. They bundled me into a despicable van and next thing I knew, I’m in this bed tied down with chains in Yabaleft or whatever they call this place. I’m still in awe that we’re still many. Maybe there is still hope for us.
Wait… where are you going? Fellow sane men, stay with me! I can’t fight this war alone!
General Ghadaffi Idi-Amin!
Who dares to speak my name?
The voice from behind the steel door.
The voice of the gods.
Speak your gracious. Your humble servant beckons.
Shut your mouth or I’ll come in there with a taser!