Love, Abuse & Common Sense

Posted this a while back… Just felt I should share it again.

Do drop a comment and Share when you’re done.

Bless 🙂

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I will never quite understand the logic behind sticking to a spouse in an abusive relationship, I mean, how do you remain with a guy that pummels you daily and call it Love?! Some like my mentor would say would claim it’s his nature, “He can’t help it, he gets angry easily” they’ll say. So you’re the chosen one to get beaten and battered shey? That’s really sad.

I’ve been in relationships so I’m not tackling this issue like a novice; two relationships to be precise. The first one was a result of youthful exuberance so that doesn’t count but the second one was more like it. Sort of fulfilling, I would describe it even though we had to go our separate ways. Many would say I was confused and naive but I wasn’t as naive as to the point where I would raise my hand to hit her. Insulting her was impossible and yabbing her would take all the meanness in me; but then I loved her and my fist was not my medium of showing it.

They say behind every successful man is a woman and I believe many have misinterpreted that statement. That the quote said “behind” doesn’t mean she behind’s you or you are some sort of master over her; it only means you’re partners and in that particular situation, you’re the one in the spotlight or undergoing the task, the statement can easily mean “behind every successful woman is a man” so we men shouldn’t blow up our ego beyond proportion;.

A relationship is a partnership; between two people living in love and equality; the key word there being “Equality”. The moment any one starts bossing the other one around, it ceases to be a relationship and becomes some sort of Master-Servant relationship and that’s not right no matter how you put it.

Now, focusing on the ladies in abusive relationships

What is wrong with you?

Why did you become so naive?

As much as guys claim to be the better humans, we aren’t in fact better. That you were formed from his rib doesn’t give him any right to lay his hands on you. The earlier you understand this, the better for you. There is no form of Eros love that connotes long suffering except when both of you (together) are suffering together; like say saving for your marriage or abstaining from sex till marriage but when one of you suffers at the expense of the other, it aint a relationship anymore, so wake up and open your eyes to this!

There is no form of love without wisdom and common sense attached to it. If you believe love is all about the feeling; then maybe you should stick to being single and go on a journey of self discovery. Every successful love story (Ignore those Bollywood flicks) have some form of common sense in twined in it. You won’t marry an armed robber even if the feeling is strong; common sense says its wrong. You also don’t let yourself get harassed by some guy in the name of love, common sense also says its wrong. Until your mind is in tune with your feelings, you are not in love, and if you aren’t in love, you should stay away from any relationship cos that’s where all forms of molestation would come into play and he won’t think twice about indulging in them because all he has are feelings and he has nothing to lose.

If he beats you, then acts all sober after a while and ask you to forgive him when you’re all bruised up, the best way you can show love there is to break the relationship and help him sort himself out; as a friend.

If he beats or molests you because he likes it, I really shouldn’t be telling you what to do. Like my father would say’ Cant you use your number six?! (I still don’t know what that means)

Moving to the ‘gentle’men that molest women, the lord is your strength. You’re not a very smart bunch and it’s your kind that evolve into rapists and sexual molesters. You have no right whatsoever to touch a lady, no matter how much you enjoy it. Beating a lady is an act of cowardice and not some form of manhood spectacle. Except she’s your creation(which she aint), you have no right to teach her. She’s meant to be your partner not your punching bag and you’re meant to respect her.

If you do have a temper, see a therapist and get yourself checked out. Nobody has to suffer for your shortcomings.

If however, you’re a man and your girlfriend or spouse harasses you, I really do not know what to say. Except she’s blackmailing you, yours is an unforgivable case and I just pray God helps you and your self-esteem.

All in all, nobody has the right to hurt his/her partner. The reason you said yes to him/her is cos you felt it was right, so don’t push yourself to doing something contrary. If however you were forced into the relationship, see an elder or report to the police.

Finally, for any relationship to work, God is a definite constant. Remove him from the equation and it’ll never work…. Never!

That said, Stay blessed and happy in your relationships. If you’re single like I am, it’s cool. Enjoy it while it lasts. 😉


Have a wonderful weekend!

Mike Dammy  @damstylee 




22 thoughts on “Love, Abuse & Common Sense

  1. can you explain half the things that we humans do?
    can you tell me why we run roughshod over our health in puerile pursuit of wealth
    only to discover that the fount of wealth can only be enjoyed by those with health?
    can you explain why our sons will deliberately attack and/or kidnap our girls?

    Why did you become so naive? – it is not naivete… rather man is born broken, man is thoroughly wounded by sin. There really isn’t anything he can do except turn to Christ…

    Why am I even posting this… ?


  2. The reason for such most times is attributed to a level of low self esteem that the abused has. Is a matter of self worth, knowing your value and what you really deserve from a relationship.

    Nice piece!


  3. I really love this. And this got me laughing – “If however, you’re a man and your girlfriend or spouse harasses you, I really do not know what to say. Except she’s blackmailing you, yours is an unforgivable case and I just pray God helps you and your self-esteem.” LOOOL

    Most women remain in such relationship cos they fear what people will say and also think time isnt on their side and they have to bear the abuse just to claim they have a relationship. is just so sad.
    THose people u bother abt what they will say sill soon come for your funeral o. be there and be saving relationship, aunty savior.

    I am out sef. KMT


  4. The one question I have always asked is “to what end does a person stay in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship?”. It beats me seriously.
    Okay let’s say the resuluts of emotionally abusive relationships are not as physically abusive ones, one would however know when things aren’t right.
    Why in God’s name will you excuse a partner who pummels the living daylights outta you citing love or “he’s just got a short fuse”? Na your own long fuse wan balance hin own?
    And if you are a male who get battered (a friend was once a victim, so it happens), sorry na your name o!!!
    Big ups Dammy. More ink, may your muse continually make it flow


  5. ‘If however, you’re a man and your girlfriend or spouse harasses you, I really do not know what to say. Except she’s blackmailing you, yours is an unforgivable case and I just pray God helps you and your self-esteem.’
    I have an issue with that. i’ve not being in any sort of abusive relationship, but I resent this dismissiveness that people have for any relationship (or man) where the man is the one getting abused. Why is his an unforgivable case? And yet, while women are getting told to grab some common sense and exit their abusive relationship, the man requires divine intervention?


    • I understand what you mean exactly Mr Walter but the manner in which I’ve assessed the issue is such that; when a Lady is in an abusive relationship, most times it boils down to a lack of confidence and low self esteem and getting out of the relationship might just solve it… But with a man, it’s much more complex than that… Its a known fact that as men, we exhume more confidence compared to our female counterparts, so when one of us gets pummeled by his spouse regularly, its a tad bit complicated… Breaking the relationship might not effectively solve his self esteem issues and he would most likely need well defined attention and help (from a psychologist maybe) in a bid to solve his self esteem ‘palava’….

      And me likening it to needing ‘divine intervention’ was some form of exaggeration on my part… 🙂


  6. The relationship is not only abusive when he beats u… Wen he leaves u to do 95% of building d relatnship, he’s already abusing you. And it may even be vice versa sef. If u’re d only one dat wants d relatnship 2 work and him/her isn’t putting any effort, I think dats also abusive too… Abi Mike shey I lie?…….. Its Berra 2 be Single than be in all dese relatnships ooo my girls…. *looks around* *runs away*


  7. Lol nice piece….been trynna complete a story i wrote n i just picked an opener from this piece of yours…so wanna write with the sentence from this piece…..fiction actually…but i will link it back ere so due Credit is given….cool yh?


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