Posted this a while back… Just felt I should share it again.
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I will never quite understand the logic behind sticking to a spouse in an abusive relationship, I mean, how do you remain with a guy that pummels you daily and call it Love?! Some like my mentor would say would claim it’s his nature, “He can’t help it, he gets angry easily” they’ll say. So you’re the chosen one to get beaten and battered shey? That’s really sad.
I’ve been in relationships so I’m not tackling this issue like a novice; two relationships to be precise. The first one was a result of youthful exuberance so that doesn’t count but the second one was more like it. Sort of fulfilling, I would describe it even though we had to go our separate ways. Many would say I was confused and naive but I wasn’t as naive as to the point where I would raise my hand to hit her. Insulting her was impossible and yabbing her would take all the meanness in me; but then I loved her and my fist was not my medium of showing it.
They say behind every successful man is a woman and I believe many have misinterpreted that statement. That the quote said “behind” doesn’t mean she behind’s you or you are some sort of master over her; it only means you’re partners and in that particular situation, you’re the one in the spotlight or undergoing the task, the statement can easily mean “behind every successful woman is a man” so we men shouldn’t blow up our ego beyond proportion;.
A relationship is a partnership; between two people living in love and equality; the key word there being “Equality”. The moment any one starts bossing the other one around, it ceases to be a relationship and becomes some sort of Master-Servant relationship and that’s not right no matter how you put it.
Now, focusing on the ladies in abusive relationships
What is wrong with you?
Why did you become so naive?
As much as guys claim to be the better humans, we aren’t in fact better. That you were formed from his rib doesn’t give him any right to lay his hands on you. The earlier you understand this, the better for you. There is no form of Eros love that connotes long suffering except when both of you (together) are suffering together; like say saving for your marriage or abstaining from sex till marriage but when one of you suffers at the expense of the other, it aint a relationship anymore, so wake up and open your eyes to this!
There is no form of love without wisdom and common sense attached to it. If you believe love is all about the feeling; then maybe you should stick to being single and go on a journey of self discovery. Every successful love story (Ignore those Bollywood flicks) have some form of common sense in twined in it. You won’t marry an armed robber even if the feeling is strong; common sense says its wrong. You also don’t let yourself get harassed by some guy in the name of love, common sense also says its wrong. Until your mind is in tune with your feelings, you are not in love, and if you aren’t in love, you should stay away from any relationship cos that’s where all forms of molestation would come into play and he won’t think twice about indulging in them because all he has are feelings and he has nothing to lose.
If he beats you, then acts all sober after a while and ask you to forgive him when you’re all bruised up, the best way you can show love there is to break the relationship and help him sort himself out; as a friend.
If he beats or molests you because he likes it, I really shouldn’t be telling you what to do. Like my father would say’ Cant you use your number six?! (I still don’t know what that means)
Moving to the ‘gentle’men that molest women, the lord is your strength. You’re not a very smart bunch and it’s your kind that evolve into rapists and sexual molesters. You have no right whatsoever to touch a lady, no matter how much you enjoy it. Beating a lady is an act of cowardice and not some form of manhood spectacle. Except she’s your creation(which she aint), you have no right to teach her. She’s meant to be your partner not your punching bag and you’re meant to respect her.
If you do have a temper, see a therapist and get yourself checked out. Nobody has to suffer for your shortcomings.
If however, you’re a man and your girlfriend or spouse harasses you, I really do not know what to say. Except she’s blackmailing you, yours is an unforgivable case and I just pray God helps you and your self-esteem.
All in all, nobody has the right to hurt his/her partner. The reason you said yes to him/her is cos you felt it was right, so don’t push yourself to doing something contrary. If however you were forced into the relationship, see an elder or report to the police.
Finally, for any relationship to work, God is a definite constant. Remove him from the equation and it’ll never work…. Never!
That said, Stay blessed and happy in your relationships. If you’re single like I am, it’s cool. Enjoy it while it lasts. 😉
Have a wonderful weekend!
Mike Dammy @damstylee