Racist Santa!

Children… Oh Children, how naive can you get?
You can’t distant a child from his naivety, no kidding and I learnt that pretty early; maybe before I even knew right from wrong. Some even took it as far as to acting dumb.
It was pathetic then I tell you; watching my age mates saunter around the neighbourhood in their underwear oblivious of the jeers and occasional paedophilic stares.. *shivers…

Disclaimer: This is my story. Whether it is true or not is none of business. I call the shots here so sit down and listen like good children that you are. Merry Christmas 😀

Like I was saying before I had to put up that disclaimer, I carried an aura of pride and advanced intellects around like my personal gele. I was what you could describe as a 3 year old (Hey! Hey! What did I say about rolling your eyes??) smart, tush enigma. I knew so much that it was war for my nanny to bath me everyday. I mean, obviously she wanted to take a peek at Mr Dammy Jnr right? Still, I was pretty fair as a child, so I guess she made a lot of progress as regards spending time with me in the bathroom. Alone. #Sigh. And see me boasting to all and sundry that no one has seen me in my birthday suit.
But that is by the way… A subtle means for me to elongate the length of this post. You can blame the Writer’s block. Even Santa could’nt remedy it.

Oh yes, Santa. Quite ironic his name should pop up at this moment. Don’t get too agitated though, I’ll tell you why soon.
Like I said, Children were extremely naive ( I can’t help but to reiterate this) and I was a standout exception. During the era when Tom and Jerry kept children spellbound, I took more details to the 3D rendition of the animation than focus on the hullabaloo that involved a stupid cat chasing a much smarter mouse (True story). Even Disney had no hold on me and I didn’t bat an eyelid when Mufasa came tumbling down that hill. ( Yes Moyo, your sub). I had mastered the art of curtailing my emotions. I knew my right from my left, could detect crocodile tears from miles off and knew early on that school was a necessary distraction hence my first letter of warning in nursery school but that is gist for another day.

I would have to admit, if I continue listing my awesome features, I would run out of ink and WordPress might crash, so I’m here to lambaste myself, curtail my ‘awesomeness’ and put in the spotlight the single dumb act I made as a kid. Heck, it hunts me till today so you don’t have to judge.

It was normal during the late 90s for terrace houses in USA to possess chimneys. For those who have no idea what that is, its a long black, smoke laden tunnel that our loved famous ‘super hero’ foolishly adopts as his entrance into your homes.
I stayed in a 3-bedroom rented apartment in Ketu then with my family. We had no chimneys but my belief in Santa gave me hope that anything was possible. American kids had a chimney, I had a balcony, close enough.-___-
So I got to work; sought out a sock (This is really embarrassing), wrote down my list and left a pack of coaster biscuits. Why coaster? I really don’t know, but thinking about it now, it was probably cos it resembled a cookie. My list was short and concise being the considerate child that I am; a BMX bicycle, a Sega Mega drive console and some additional jaara. I arranged these on the balcony on Christmas eve and went to bed gallantly.

Morning came….

I reckon your imagination could finish this story as I wont myself because its gotten pretty embarrassing but permit me to add this tiny info; I still don’t know how to ride a bicycle cos I never got one, I have never possessed a game console and all these point to that fat man being a racist!

The fact that the fake bearded ‘villain’ doesn’t visit Africa is racist. I mean, is it because we don’t have chimneys??.. I look back now and shake my head at young ‘3 yr old’ Dammy because amidst all his intellects, he should have noticed that black children can be awfully naive and would do anything to emphasize their belief that a st*pid fat-ass-white-bearded man can like them and worse, bring gifts to them every Christmas. Pathetic! It all makes for a painful experience.

p.s. All of the items on the balcony that night were intact the next morning except the coaster biscuits. I guess Santa is also a thief. Mschewww…

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Have a wonderful Holiday!

Mike Dammy

My wonderful childhood memories

I don’t think I’ve named this post correctly. “No childhood memories” would have been better. Obviously, I have childhood memories, but the fun and important ones are very few.
My childhood was a very boring one. I’ll ascribe the blame for it to my parents and I. They’ll take most of it sha and I will only agree to take part of it because my bro has had the same experiences and he took advantage of it way better than I did.
The story I’m about to share is a pitiful story, some might shed a tear and some might wail. Its simply a short story of my memory-less childhood. The part of shedding tears and wailing is a joke though and you should check yourself if you do cry.
Here goes;
My parents are the protective type, too protective infact. I never got to do what other kids did. I never got to learn how to ride a bicycle; I have no idea on how to swim. I don’t know the directions to the amusement park, even the one at Apapa, Lagos because I was never taken there neither do I know how a zoo looks.
I was never allowed to go on excursions from school except on one occasion in primary school where we visited the beach, and trust me, mumsy freaked out about it and I knew that was gonna be my last. I also got my trip to olumo rock later in secondary school cancelled at the last minute by mumsy.
I hardly got toys as presents on my birthdays or any other type of holiday whatsoever. The ones visitors gave me were confiscated and kept till I outgrew them. Attending birthday parties of friends was also out of it, except on very few occasions.
With years passing by, I gradually lost the enthusiasm a kid should have normally and since my father loved reading, he would make sure I followed suit. So days on end, even during holidays, I was reading one book after another. It got so bad/good that I’ll read out loud every poster, billboard or name I see on any building during any journey.
As expected, I was always coming out top in every class in my primary school. At the end of Primary 4, my mates were preparing for the holiday , but ME? Nah! I was studying for the common entrance. So I was ushered into secondary school from primary 4 at 8 years old. Tragic!
One part of my childhood that didn’t die though was my stubborness and skill in annoying people. I call it a skill cos I was so good at it, I took a letter of warning back home after my first week in nursery school. And I’m serious, it really happened. 😀
So I carried this trait into secondary school. There, I met kids from different backgrounds and fitting in wasn’t easy at first, but with my skill, I did fit in later on. I however used to get lost when other kids discussed about toys or consoles they had. Since I had none, I had to listen in awe to their conversations and started wondering what kind of parents I had.
Soon enough, I got distracted and started trying to catch up on the childhood memories I never had and my grades started dropping like crazy. SS1 came and I happened to get a FIFA 04 game cd. I spent a whole lot of time playing and I got promoted on trial to SS2; that’s when my eyes opened. So, I quit searching for the memories and accepted my fate and I’ve been doing that ever since.
Today, I’m a teenager with very few childood memories that include fun in them. Fun to me now is chatting with my friends, playing video games or doing what I’m doing now. My life revolves around books, books and books.
One good revolution in my life though is the caliber of friends I have now. They have succeeded in giving me those memories I craved for in the past. The likes of Bankole Lanre, Ajayi Moji, Moyo Juyi, Babatunde Mayowa, Oyelola Tobi, Olorode Bimbo, Comfort Samuel, Tola n Tade, Osem, Sowole Jesse, Odukoya Ife, Mide Deju, Ayobolaand a whole lot of others. What would I be without you guys? Special thanks also to Oyekanmi Seun for proof reading and editing this post.
Back to my story, I quit the stubborness some years back but I still enjoy annoying people. I’m still in love with FIFA and I would love to learn how to swim. Writing is also something I really really love doing. I never used to show anybody what I had written but after I read Funto’s blog “obafuntay.com”, I got the inspiration to start this one you are on. You should read it too. It might just inspire you the way it inspired me.
Finally, I have you. Yes, you reading this right now. The fact that you read and comment on this blog gives me much joy and “Ginger” to do more and better. Thank You very much.
With all these in place, I might have missed out on childhood memories but I aint gonna miss out on teenage or any kind of memories left! ;).

Love,
Damstylee

Thanks for Reading
Please take time to drop your comments.
By the way, I hope nobody cried. 🙂