Well.. Well.. I’m back and so are you.
Welcome. *bows theatrically* 😀
Okay, I know I said yesterday that I was done with blogging and writing, I lied. X_X… Not on purpose though but I don’t think I can stop doing something I love. I’m kinda like Jack in Titanic and I’ll continue dying 2 save Rose if its all I do… (Hmm… That’s not a smart example though).
Anyhow sha… The truth of the matter is I’m not done with writing or blogging and I’m not sure I ever will. A big thank you to the folks that told me I was bluffing yesterday, you guys gave me something to think about.
So, for my comeback party, I’m starting a series. Its not gonna be conventional. Its not gonna be my ‘type of writing’ but its something new and I love challenges.
So, when you’re done. Be kind enough to drop your comments, views and criticism. Also share the post if you like it. Even if you don’t, share it :|.
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I guess I was bluffing
My name is Joshua fela and no, I don’t mean the popular musician/activist Fela. I’m not related to him but my father said our family is as important as his. I have a feeling he was lying now.
So, I’m here to share my story. I could have done so before but I think its much easier when you’re looking at if from a different perspective.
• I’m happily married but my wife is no more.
• I am the best father in the world but my kids don’t know me anymore.
• I have the best friend in the world but he has not come to see me in ages.
• I’ve got the best family in the world but it seems they are beginning to get over me.
• I’ll be 25 tomorrow and I can’t get married. Not that I can help it.
• And finally, I’m dead.
But most importantly, of all the things I’ve listed above, only one is true but I’ll leave you to find out which.
Joshua Fela_ Original photo sourced from Google
Red light blinks rhythmically in the distance, the blackberry phone vibrating with each notification. Nath looks away from the Purple Hibiscus he was engrossed in to the phone and after assuring himself it was a Ping and not a call returns his attention to the novel.
“Chimamanda…. You’re good mehn.” he says to himself while trying to not disturb his sleeping roommate. He looks over to Josh and sniffed; the result of getting beaten by the rain.
He had disagreed with Josh’s plan of going over to the school’s sports centre for a swim but got forced by the same. Unfortunately, the rain chose that fateful day to bless the earth’s farmers and now he had a cold to tend to.
“Peer pressure… No brain.” He says in the sleeping boy’s direction.
The door bursts open and a ‘man’ in his early twenties steps into the room.
“Nathaniel!” He barks. “You don see Lekan and Lanre?”
“Yes I have.” Nath replies still reading his book. “They just told me to tell you not to barge into people’s rooms, stupid!”
“Idiot.” Nath mutters under his breath
“Did you just diss me?”
“No o! Diss you ke? How can I? With your 6-perks and chest, you wan make I die?” Nath replies.
Delighted, Tope flexes his abs and puffs out his chest in response to Nath’s sarcastic compliment.
Nath just shakes his head in pity.
“Ehen… So you have not seen them?”
“God! You’re so dumb.” He whispers
“Nothing.. nothing..” Nath quickly adds.
“Okay.” He looks over to the sleeping teen and smirks;
“Sleep no go kill Josh! Did you guys work all night?”
“No o, we only went swimming yesterday.”
“Swimming?!” Tope’s eyes light up with the news. “With babes?”
“Err… no.” Nath replies embarrassed.
Shaking his head, Tope hisses and turns to leave the room.
“You guys are just gay geeks. Get a life please!”
“Yea Yea… Cool story bro.” Tope replies after him.
Tope just sniffs and walks out muttering something to himself while Nath returns to his former posture, his hand still clutching the book. He struggles to read afterwards but couldn’t as what Tope just said had struck a chord in him and he rummages over it.
“What the Idiot said is true though. When am I ever going to get a babe or better still get laid.” His trousers bulge at the thought of having sex and he attempts to clear the thought off his mind to no avail.
“You see, young man down there,” he says to his slightly erect penis. “Until I get the liver to talk to babes, you are not getting any action… So its either you help me or we remain stuck forever”
“And No,” He responds to his ‘penis’. “Josh cannot help. That nigga is too busy daydreaming about that his stupid crush”
He turns to look at Josh who is smiling in his sleep.
“Ode! I said it! The mumu is dreaming about her again.” He walks towards Josh and jabs him in the leg. Josh jerks up and looked around quickly.
“Dude!” He exclaims. “What the heck? I’ve told you to stop waking me when I’m having my afternoon nap”
“What stupid nap are you talking about? Stay there and be deceiving yourself as if the girl would come and meet you in your dream.”
“What girl?” Josh asks
“Ronke of course!”
“How.. How did you know I was dreaming about Ronke?”
Nath sighs and walks away.
“Answer me now.” Josh calls after him.
“Because you do so every time! You’re so obsessed with this girl and you can’t even walk up to her to say Hi. I bet she doesn’t even know you exist and yet you sit here and waste your whole day dreaming about her.”
Josh shrugs and says, “I don’t see what’s wrong with that”
“Dude!” Nath clasps his head in frustration. “We have been coursemates for almost two years now. She sits three… No two tables away from us and yet common Hi you cannot say. You’re just a stupid coward”
Josh takes a long pause and laughs hysterically. “Why is it paining you? Its not as if you have a girlfriend. You barely even talk to them”
“At least I’ve not had a crush for two years.” Nath snorts.
“See Nath, I know its not easy. Its never gonna be. We are the geeks of this generation and geeks don’t have hot girlfriends in school”
“Says who?” Nath replies. “Bill Gates had a girlfriend, and a hot one too”
“Yea, I know.” Josh replies sarcastically. “I’ve forgotten you guys are pen pals. Please say hi to him for me the next time you guys talk”
“See.. See.. I don’t have time for this. I need to finish this book. Chimamanda has got my heart.
Josh hisses. “Yea right. Boring Writer”
“What do you know? Ordinary GST you failed, common English language and yet you have the guts to criticize a writer. Olodo”
Josh casts a glance at him and hisses. “That is for your pocket. Stay there and enjoy your boring book while I enjoy Fifa.” He walks over to the Playstation console and switches it on.
The game starts running and Josh jeers and makes comments to disturb Nath on purpose. Nath looks over a couple of times as his attention is slowly captivated by the soccer game.
“What kind of boy is this?” He mutters under his breath. “I really need to finish this book.” The words are barely out of his mouth that electricity was interrupted. He looks up at the now blank TV screen and bursts out laughing.
“Now, let me see how you’ll enjoy your Fifa. Nepa! God bless you!” He exclaimed.
Josh doesn’t reply and just returns to his bed to continue his favorite past time.
“Ode! Be dreaming about her there. Don’t go and look for something to do with your life”
The alarm rang through the classroom and everyone looked in the direction it was coming from
“Tope!” The Lecturer bawled.
“How many times have I told you to keep your phone off in my class?”
Tope looked on in ironic shame. A smile played along his lips and it betrayed his attempted apologetic stare.
“I’m sorry sir”
“Don’t sorry me. This is the last time I’m going to condone this. The next time this happens, you will be banned from my class. And I mean that literally.”
Tope looked on in confusion, his mind desperately trying to decipher the ‘big’ word Mr Durojaye just used. He stabs at Josh with his leg and asks’ “Abeg Joshua, what is lite..litera..lly”
“Jesus” Josh gasps while Nath holds himself from bursting out in laughter.
“You don’t know the meaning of literally?” Josh asks.
“If I did, would I ask you?” Tope whispers back.
“Ok o.” Josh sighs. “Literally is used where…” He stops to think. “Nath, how do you define literally?”
Nath chuckles and holds his breath to stop himself from laughing. Then he bends over and whispers; “Literally is a special type of word used to confuse idiots.”
Both of them burst out laughing and attract the attention of the lecturer.
“Nathaniel Bassey! Joshua Fela! Get out of my class.”
“We are sorry sir.” They chorus.
“I said Get out!” He shouts.
They look up to see the blood shot eyes of a visibly angry history teacher and hurriedly pack their stuff.
As they exit the classroom, Josh casts a last glance at Ronke. Her ebony hair slouched over her shoulder and her hand was fiddling with her pen in obvious boredom.
At the last second, she looks in his direction and he quickly looks away.
As they walk along the corridor, they continue their discussion.
“Tope is dumb.” Josh says
“Dumb is an understatement.” Nath replies. “How won’t you know the meaning of literally? Did he skip secondary school?”
“I wonder o! I can bet that alarm would still ring again. He has no sense. I wonder how girls fall for him.”
“Because they are dumb too.” They both laugh.
“Not all girls sha. Ronke is a very…” The sound of the alarm followed by Mr Durojaye’s voice cut him short; “Tope! Get out!”
“Ode!” Nath exclaimed. “There is no hope for him”
“I second that”
They giggle and run off towards their dormitory.
To be Continued next week
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