Racist Santa!

Children… Oh Children, how naive can you get?
You can’t distant a child from his naivety, no kidding and I learnt that pretty early; maybe before I even knew right from wrong. Some even took it as far as to acting dumb.
It was pathetic then I tell you; watching my age mates saunter around the neighbourhood in their underwear oblivious of the jeers and occasional paedophilic stares.. *shivers…

Disclaimer: This is my story. Whether it is true or not is none of business. I call the shots here so sit down and listen like good children that you are. Merry Christmas 😀

Like I was saying before I had to put up that disclaimer, I carried an aura of pride and advanced intellects around like my personal gele. I was what you could describe as a 3 year old (Hey! Hey! What did I say about rolling your eyes??) smart, tush enigma. I knew so much that it was war for my nanny to bath me everyday. I mean, obviously she wanted to take a peek at Mr Dammy Jnr right? Still, I was pretty fair as a child, so I guess she made a lot of progress as regards spending time with me in the bathroom. Alone. #Sigh. And see me boasting to all and sundry that no one has seen me in my birthday suit.
But that is by the way… A subtle means for me to elongate the length of this post. You can blame the Writer’s block. Even Santa could’nt remedy it.

Oh yes, Santa. Quite ironic his name should pop up at this moment. Don’t get too agitated though, I’ll tell you why soon.
Like I said, Children were extremely naive ( I can’t help but to reiterate this) and I was a standout exception. During the era when Tom and Jerry kept children spellbound, I took more details to the 3D rendition of the animation than focus on the hullabaloo that involved a stupid cat chasing a much smarter mouse (True story). Even Disney had no hold on me and I didn’t bat an eyelid when Mufasa came tumbling down that hill. ( Yes Moyo, your sub). I had mastered the art of curtailing my emotions. I knew my right from my left, could detect crocodile tears from miles off and knew early on that school was a necessary distraction hence my first letter of warning in nursery school but that is gist for another day.

I would have to admit, if I continue listing my awesome features, I would run out of ink and WordPress might crash, so I’m here to lambaste myself, curtail my ‘awesomeness’ and put in the spotlight the single dumb act I made as a kid. Heck, it hunts me till today so you don’t have to judge.

It was normal during the late 90s for terrace houses in USA to possess chimneys. For those who have no idea what that is, its a long black, smoke laden tunnel that our loved famous ‘super hero’ foolishly adopts as his entrance into your homes.
I stayed in a 3-bedroom rented apartment in Ketu then with my family. We had no chimneys but my belief in Santa gave me hope that anything was possible. American kids had a chimney, I had a balcony, close enough.-___-
So I got to work; sought out a sock (This is really embarrassing), wrote down my list and left a pack of coaster biscuits. Why coaster? I really don’t know, but thinking about it now, it was probably cos it resembled a cookie. My list was short and concise being the considerate child that I am; a BMX bicycle, a Sega Mega drive console and some additional jaara. I arranged these on the balcony on Christmas eve and went to bed gallantly.

Morning came….

I reckon your imagination could finish this story as I wont myself because its gotten pretty embarrassing but permit me to add this tiny info; I still don’t know how to ride a bicycle cos I never got one, I have never possessed a game console and all these point to that fat man being a racist!

The fact that the fake bearded ‘villain’ doesn’t visit Africa is racist. I mean, is it because we don’t have chimneys??.. I look back now and shake my head at young ‘3 yr old’ Dammy because amidst all his intellects, he should have noticed that black children can be awfully naive and would do anything to emphasize their belief that a st*pid fat-ass-white-bearded man can like them and worse, bring gifts to them every Christmas. Pathetic! It all makes for a painful experience.

p.s. All of the items on the balcony that night were intact the next morning except the coaster biscuits. I guess Santa is also a thief. Mschewww…

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Have a wonderful Holiday!

Mike Dammy

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The awesome fantasy of being in school

If you indeed clicked this link with joy at how someone has finally joined you on the scanty queue of how awesome school life is, please shift before I slap you. If you however open this with the look of huh? Fantasy in school?! He even added awesome… this guy must be nuts! If this was your reaction, *chop knuckle*

I can’t over emphasize how over rated school is. From Nursery school, it’s been tragic and trust me, only students can understand this, so no offence if you’re a little bit old and you disagree with me, I’m not gonna beg you, I’ll just ask one question; Did you like school when you were my age?

I put down a million bucks (really, I have it) that your answer would be an emphatic NO!

So, lemme restructure the title of this post;

 

The UNAWESOME fantasy of being in school

Now let’s start.

DISCLAIMER: If you have folks or relatives that are professors and inventors, I mean no offence to them in particular. As you know me, I’m just being truthful.

Moving on, I’ll be handling this in stages or whatever you want to call them… *shrugs*;

 

  1. Who the h*ll invented Maths??!!

Was he high or something? I heard once that these inventors enjoyed what they did. Einstein, Newton, Faraday; these guys always felt some sort of ecstasy when they engaged in what they loved. Don’t get me wrong, I’m cool with that but what am not cool with is why I have to suffer for what they have done. I want to grow up and be a writer and architect, how does (dx/dy) or the Pythagoras theorem set the path for me?!

So, if your dad or mum teaches maths in the university, I’m literally pissed with them. If Homo erectus was cool with his spear and caves, why can’t we be? What’s the big deal about being Homo sapiens?

2.  Chemistry!! Argh

Guess why I never chose to fill any engineering course on my JAMB form. Do I have to say more?

 

3.  Physics *dies*…. Moving on.

 

4.  And last but not the least, Classes and Exams.

 

What is the big deal behind exams anyway? Someone once told me “School is a necessary distraction” and I totally agree with the statement except for where he added “necessary”…. No offence to all the graduates out there but nah, it aint necessary. Before you kill me, just know Bill Gates, Warren Buffet and Mark Zuckerberg are on my side of the fence; so Shoot.

Okay.

Now that I’ve stated my point, I hope I’ve convinced and not confused you that education is overrated and if I was granted the option of living a life like Bill Gates’ or going to school, I’ll be on the pinnacle of the conference table in Microsoft’s headquarters right now.

I do hope I’ve not stepped on anybody’s toes; this is just me ranting and frustrated with school life, projects, assignments and all of it.

In order news, 69 days to go…  July 26 is still a Reality.