Solomon Grundy : Tuesday

If you missed the first episode, Solomon Grundy: Monday, you can read it Here

That done, Enjoy today’s episode!

* * *

Christened On Tuesday

12, November 1985

Dan stared at his reflection and smiled at himself. His black hair lay curled on his scalp and some of it covered a scar on the left side of his temple; one of the many souvenirs from his brief stint at the military school back in London. The tough, white, khaki uniform stood on him like it was an extension of his body; his well-toned muscles and abs fitting perfectly in the well ironed shirt. The immaculate naval uniform shone in the morning light that was slowly creeping in through the massive windows in the high head room living room and asides the gold ring on his finger he would have passed off as a single, handsome, well to do Briton.

He stroked his moustache in a circular motion and scanned his chin for stubbles. When he was satisfied there was nothing, he ran the comb in his hand through his hair again and yelled for his wife to hurry. Today was his son’s christening and he wasn’t going to miss it for the world… or go late either. The folks in this part of the world probably had a bad omen attached to attending one’s child’s christening late. They always had one omen or another for every situation.

Just last week; Wale, their Yoruba valet had commented on how their journey to see the United Kingdom ambassador to Nigeria in his office in Victoria Island would be a futile one. He had asked why and the stout man had mentioned something about a bad omen with meeting a person of the same sex first when one was off on an important business or mission.

He laughed the man to scorn and carried on towards VI from his Surulere abode only to find out that the ambassador had left for the airport for a flight to the UK barely thirty minutes before his arrival. He strayed longer in the embassy and emerged later all smiles to the stunned Wale. He however pondered on what the local man said on their journey back home. Maybe omens existed after all and one would probably stand against them if Jane didn’t get her ass down now.

“Darling we’re going to be late.” His voice boomed in the house and after the echoes, all became quiet again. The curtains fluttered lazily as a gentle breeze oozed into the room from the gardens and caressed their light fabric. Dan hesitated for some seconds as he waited for a reply and raced up the stairs taking three steps at once in long strides.

“I’m coming baby.” Jane replied as he scaled the last flight of stairs.

“You said that twenty minutes ago dear.” Dan said, trying desperately to mask his frustration. She laughed and appeared through the master bedroom door in a dashing mauve-blue dress. He halted in his stride and smacked his lips in respite as he let his eyes run a thorough investigation of her body. The short dress delicately stopped some inches above her neat knees and a gentle slit showed those well shaped thighs he always craved.

He saw her grin and traced her line of sight to the bulge forming in his well ironed trouser. She smirked and he wiped the naughty thoughts growing in his head and diverted his gaze to the baby. The sight of the christening gown infuriated him and his face squeezed into a frown.

“What’s with the white dress? Is he supposed to look like a girl for his baptism?”

She laughed and waved him away. “You’ve obviously not seen any christening ceremony.”

He scratched the back of his neck absentmindedly and shifted as she walked past him and down the stairs.

“Actually, no. So that is what they make those poor children wear?”

“My baby looks charming in it.” She retorted. He opened his mouth to say something witty and shut it when she put up her ‘say something stupid first’ look. Accepting defeat, he feigned a smile at her and followed her down the stairs.

“I love this girl.” He uttered under his breath.

“I know, I love her too.” Jane said without looking at him. He started saying something when the front door opened. Both of them froze and Solomon yawned oblivious of the visitors.

“Rose! Mum! Dad!” Dan exclaimed and hurried down the stairs, past Jane and Solomon and towards his once immediate family. Rose smiled and accepted a hug from him. She pecked him gently and released him to greet their parents.

“You guys didn’t write to say you were coming.” Dan said as he hugged his mom and shook his dad’s hand.

“Oh! You expected me to miss my nephew’s christening.” Rose said and took Solomon from Jane’s arms. She exchanged kisses with Jane as Solomon watched; his young mind probably trying to fathom why the only familiar female he knew was kissing a stranger. One that had roughly the same nose he had, only bigger. He stretched out his hand and Rose took it in her palm. She let him wrap his tiny fingers around one of her fingers and the whole house ‘awwed’ in unison.

Dan engaged the older Mr. Grundy in a conversation as the women took turns to make faces at the newest addition into the family. The men slowly got engrossed in watching the women play with the baby and a knock on the door startled them. Dan turned to look at the visitor and gasped.

“The christening! We’re late!”

“Yes sah.” Wale said still standing at the door. “I was just going to tell you that sah.” The young, dark man added.

The family rushed out of the house and took their respective places in the two Peugeot 504 cars parked in the vast compound. Rose joined Jane and the baby in the car Wale was to drive and Dan stayed with his parents in the other ride. They said a brief prayer and drove out of the gate, their destination; The Cathedral Church of Christ, Marina.


* * *


The liturgy was shorter than Dan envisaged. After minutes of pleading, the priest reluctantly agreed to perform the ceremony.

The family watched some pews away as the priest carried Solomon to the font. The baby trashed in his arms, obviously bothered by the unfamiliar hands and finally resorted to crying when the same hands refused to let go. The priest hushed him and smiled warmly in his face. Solomon stopped wailing and watched the ‘strange’ man in the immaculate apparel quietly. The priest took some water in his right hand and sprinkled it on the forehead of the white baby. The chill swept through Solomon’s body and the resounding wails filled the entirety of the cathedral.

A tear ran down Jane’s face and Dan pulled her close in an embrace as the priest completed the rites.

“I baptize you; Solomon Walter Grundy in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”

To be continued… Married on Wednesday

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Thank you for Reading.

Mike Dammy

Joshua Fela – Episode 6

Joshua Fela | Damstylee_Original picture sourced from Google

Joshua Fela | Damstylee_Original picture sourced from Google

Click the links below to read older episodes

Episode 1

Episode 2

Episode 3

Episode 4

Episode 5


The newscaster gestured and smiled intermittently on the 42” flat screen TV. He watched her report the Boko Haram killings in Bauchi and was amazed at how composed she was.

“Funmi yea?” He said to himself. He had to meet her somehow. She would be a milf alright but who cared? His father’s connections would get him close.

Ronke turned beside him and yawned.

“Hey darling.”

He looked in her direction and smiled. Mission accomplished. In a record 16 hours.

In your face Nath.

“Last night was awesome.” She said when he didn’t reply.

“Yes, it was.” He replied and returned his gaze to the TV.

Why wouldn’t it be awesome, you just had sex with the son of a senator in the most expensive room in Sheraton. Hell yea, it’s gonna be awesome.

“What’s on your mind?” She asked and tugged at his hand. Her finger ran along the panther on his arm and he fought the goose bumps that were threatening to erupt from beneath his skin.

“Nothing.” He yanked his hand free from her and increased the distance on the bed between them.

“I love your tattoo.”

“Who doesn’t?… Do you want one?”

“Nah… my dad would kill me.”

“You’re still forming daddy’s girl. Come on, ditch that old man and move on with life. You’re a big girl now. Has he ever stepped into Sheraton talk less of spending a night in its most expensive suite?” She sat up until she was at eye level with him.

“Take that back.”

“Take what back?” He asked.

“What you just said about my father?”

“Why? Did I lie?” He could afford to be arrogant now. The challenge was set and he had won. No time for Mr Nice Guy anymore. He grinned at her and she hissed.

“You’re a fool and I’m a jerk for trusting you.” The doorbell rang as soon as she was done talking and they heard the hotel attendant’s voice through the door.

“Room Service.”

They turned to look at each other and debated with their eyes who was going to get the door. She lost and stood up to go get their breakfast. Tope watched her backside as she walked away and hissed.

“Been there; done that.” He returned his attention to Funmi as she rounded up on the 8’ o clock news. His attention is cut short when Ronke screamed and a set of chinas shattered on the ceramic tiled floor.

“Ronke.” He called out. “Are you all right?” He got up from the bed, strapped a towel around his waist and checked for a pair of bathroom slippers in one of the drawers.

“Tope.” He heard his name and paused in his search. Puzzled, he turned around to see Josh poised with a dagger. The dagger had blood dripping from it and he didn’t need to ask whose blood it was. The grotesque sight scared him and he retreated towards the balcony.

“Josh… what are you doing here? God, I’m dreaming.”

Josh looked at the knife and looked back at him. “What does it look like?”

“But..but youre dead.”

“Really? Well, we will see about that.” He approached Tope amidst the wails of the latter and a swipe of the dagger left blood splattered on the drapes and window pane.


Nath jerked up from sleep, looked around the hospital ward and screamed. The nurse on duty ran into the ward. Her countenance was frantic and her breasts bounced on her chest as her heart beat accelerated. She spent the next few minutes calming him down and preventing him from removing the drip tube in his vein.

“What happened?” She asked with a native Ibo accent after the heart monitor recorded a close to normal heart beat rate.

“Nothing; I just need to get out of here.”

She caught him looking below her neck and cleared her throat on purpose. He realised he had been found out and avoided eye contact with her.

“Please discharge me.” He said after the awkward atmosphere had dissipated.

“I’m sorry I can’t.” She replied.


“It’s only the doctor that can.”

“Then get me the doctor.” His voice was raised now and other workers peeped to see if all was well in the ward.

“I’ve been here for three days and I’m totally fine.”

“Okay, I’ll get him immediately I’m done. You don’t have to be rude though.” He said nothing. She examined the frequency on the heart monitor for the last time and noticed him staring at her again.

“You really don’t have anything else to look at but my breast abi?” He shut his eyes in shame not for staring but for being caught and turned to face the other direction.

“I’m sorry”. He said without looking at her. “Please just get the doctor for me. This place creeps me out.”

“He’ll be here soon.”

He opened his eyes to peek at her backside as she walked out of the dorm. At the entrance she stopped suddenly and turned around. He quickly shut his eyes and looked to the other direction but she had caught him again.

“Mr Nathaniel Bassey.” She said in measured tones.
“Stop staring at me or you will have to answer to my fiancé.”

He nodded his head and poked out his tongue in her direction when she had left the room.

Fiancé kor.


Hours later, Nath stumbled into his dormitory. He dragged himself to his room and collapsed on his bed. His joints felt weak and he regretted leaving the hospital before he was perfectly alright.

News of Tope’s escapades was the in thing on campus.

Everyone was talking about it; The couple. The Aston Martin. Sheraton. The sex.

Josh wasn’t around and he hadn’t seen him since he dropped him at the hospital three days ago. He was sure Josh had heard the news and he could bet he was devastated. The love of his life just got scored on by the aristocrat of the school. Who wouldn’t be pissed? This was an example of a mature form of bullying.

He was pissed himself and he barely liked her. He needed to clarify something. Everybody had been eager to gist him about every other thing but nobody mentioned the sex. Maybe they kept that part of their escapades secret but why would she stoop so low? He wondered.

He picked up his phone and dialled her number; it rang a couple of times before she answered it.

“Hello.” Her alto voice filled his ear drums almost relieving him of his anger.


“Nath. Hey darling. I heard you were hospitalised. Are you okay now?”


“Are you back?”


“Good. Myself, Chloe and Shade would stop by tomorrow to say hi. I hope you would be okay with us coming.”

“Ronke.” His stern voice shocked her and she took a long pause before she answered.


“Did you sleep with him?”

“Sleep with who?”

“Please, don’t play dumb with me. The whole school is raving at how you two had a good time three days ago.”

“See me see wahala. So you called me just to accuse me of sleeping with Tope. Are you crazy? Iru arifin wo niyen?” (What kind of disrespectful attitude is that?)

“Well, the whole school thinks you did.”

“And you believed them. Geez, I’m disappointed. How do you expect me to make a fool of myself and sleep with Tope? That dumb f**k that thinks the whole world revolves around him.” She waited for his response and when she knew it wasn’t forthcoming, she continued in a much calmer tone; “Nath, I only followed just to help him waste his money; I can never sleep with Tope.”

He was convinced it was all a dream now, except she was a pretty good actress.

“I hope you’re saying the truth else some people would be more disappointed than I am.”

“People like who? You mean our lecturers?”

“No. Josh.”



“Nath dear, I think you should see a doctor.” He heard the pity in her voice and it irritated him but he needed to be sure first.


“Because I think something is wrong with you. You keep talking about Josh, but Josh died two years ago.” He bit his lower lip and held back the part of him that screamed in his head; she’s a Bastard. Normal Nath won’t let her go scot-free.

“Ronke, I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. You need to see a doctor.” Now, she’s pushing it. The voice in his head said.

“I said I’m fine.”

“No, it must be a head…”

“What is wrong with you? Why does everybody keep saying I’m nuts? If you want to kill Josh in your minds, do so. Just don’t ruin it for me.”

The front door opened and Josh walked into the room. He had a mouthful of Gala in his mouth and was downing it with a bottle of La Casera.

“Hey.” He greeted Josh. “Did you hear that? I just greeted the man you pronounced dead.” Her emotions gave way and she started sobbing but he didn’t care, he couldn’t care; Martian was in control now.

“This is the same guy that said hi to you in class last week but no, he is too dead to you. It’s you guys that need to see a doctor. If you can’t see Josh and I can, why haven’t you considered the possibility that you’re the crazy one? You’re claiming not crazy but you followed Tope to a hotel. Now I believe the rumours, he probably did sleep with you. Ashewo oshi. Thanks for ruining my day you hear. Goodbye.”

He hung up and threw his phone on the bed. Part of him felt remorseful and that he was too harsh but Martian wanted none of it. He tried to fight the beast but his dizziness finally gave way and he dozed off.


The lights in the dormitory went out and the darkness made him wake up. Everywhere was oddly quiet and that was strange for a male dormitory. He searched for his phone on the bed and when he did, put on the torch application and shone it towards Josh’s direction. His bed was empty. He listened to hear if he was in the loo but he heard nothing. It was around midnight.
Where could Josh have gone?

He noticed the door was slightly ajar and stood up to shut it but thought about it and went out instead. The corridors were pitch-black and the moon was nowhere to be found so the courtyards provided not much of a lighting. He strolled across the corridor on the fourth floor, his phone his only source of light.

His phone rang and he looked at the caller; Mom. Her picture smiled at him and he smiled when he remembered the day the picture was taken; his matriculation ceremony. He answered the call.


“Nathaniel.” She sounded scared.

“Yes mom, are you okay?”

“Yes I am. Please go back to your room.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Just go to your room, please.” She pleaded. The call cut off before he could say more and when he tried calling back, the automated machine voice said her number was switched off.

But she just called me now. This MTN people sha

He shrugged his shoulders and proceeded to return to his room as she had said. As he approached his door, he saw someone coming.

“Who is there?” He switched on the torch again and saw that the intruder was Tope.

“Tope, what are you doing here?” He moved closer to Tope and Josh’s face appeared behind Tope’s.

“Josh, I’ve been looking for you. What’s happening here? He noticed the groin area of Tope’s trousers was wet. He shone the light directly at it and saw the liquid was blood.

“Tope, are you okay?” Nath asked. “You’re bleeding.” All he got back was an icy stare from both Josh and Tope.
“Why are you guys not talking? Seriously, what’s going on here? Where is everybody?”

He tried to grab Tope, but his hand went right through him and he hit the floor with a thud.
The impact made him wake up. His hands and back were sweaty and his chest heaved up and down with his laborious breathing. The lights were on and he had never been this grateful to PHCN.

What kind of stupid dreams am I having? He asked himself.

There was a lot of noise coming from outside his room. He overhead boys screaming from the courtyard and stepped out to see what the bustle was for. The first person he met outside his door was Lekan and he inquired what all the fuss was about.

“Tope is dead.”

“Ehn, which Tope?”

“Our Tope now.” He hurried alongside Lekan to keep up with the latter’s pace while still inquiring about the incident.

“How did he die?”

“I don’t know, some said he jumped downstairs from the top floor while others said he was murdered.” Lekan replied.

“Shit. Murdered ke? Who would murder anybody in this dorm?”

“Well, when you are found at the base of a building and your d**k has been chopped off, it’s safe to say someone killed you, and you of all people should know Tope admires himself too much to kill himself.” Nath stopped in his tracks and watched Lekan disappear down the flight of stairs.

His d**k was chopped off; the dream, the blood in his groin, Josh.
What the hell is wrong with me?

To be continued next week Tuesday


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Joshua Fela – Episode 5

Joshua Fela | Damstylee_Original picture sourced from Google

Joshua Fela | Damstylee_Original picture sourced from Google

Click the links below to read older episodes

Episode 1

Episode 2

Episode 3

Episode 4

Nike stood up and walked towards the duo.

“What do you mean by he is dead?” She asked them.

“He died in a car accident in August 2011” Shade replied. She sounded like she could burst into tears any minute; “the thirteenth to be precise. I remember it well because I loved him.”

“Hold it. Hold it. Let me get this right… The boy you saw today died two years ago?”


“And you loved him?”

“Yes.” Her voice had become mere whispers but Ronke held her by the shoulders and comforted her.

“So what you’re saying now is that your dead lover is alive.” She paused to think and suddenly asked; “were you guys dating?”


A puzzled look appeared on Nike’s face.
“You’re confusing me now, you loved him and he loved you back, yet you were not going out. How does that make any sense?”

“It does, because he didn’t love me back. He loved Ronke.” She turned to look at Ronke but Ronke looked away.

“Aha! I knew it!” Nike said in excitement. “Now, this feels like desperate housewives but this time, in real life.” Her eyes shone in glee and she pointed her fore finger at Shade. “You; you liked him while Josh liked you, Ronke. And then Mr Lover boy dies in an accident two years ago on the thirteenth of August, the exact day Nath tried to kiss you Ronke this year.”

Ronke and Shade looked at each other and froze. “That’s true.” They chorused.

“So you see girls, now we have a story to sell to Wale Adenuga. Dope right?”

Both girls turned to her and hissed.
“Why are we even listening to you? It’s not as if you have a serious bone in your entire body.”

Nike opened her mouth to reply but Ronke’s ringtone interrupted her. The Techno Phantom shook with each vibration and the ringtone; Personally by P Square filled the entire room.

She picked the phone, looked at the caller’s name, hissed and turned to face the others.

“Who is it?” Nike asked.


“Which Tope?”

“The one in my course.”

“The son of the senator?! The guy that drives that red Murano on campus… Wow, why is he calling you?” Nike was excited already.

“How am I supposed to know?” Ronke answered. “Am I not the one he is calling?”


“Hello. Is this Ronke?”


“Okay. This is Tope, the one in your course; the guy that drives the Murano.”

“Yes I know.” She was irritated by his arrogance and fought every bit of her to cut the call.

“Okay, cool. I need to see you.”

“Err… why?”

“I can’t tell you now. I promise to do so immediately we get to where we are going.”

“Where are we going?”

Her heart skipped a bit at the mention of Sheraton.

“Sheraton hotel?” Ronke she asked. She made sure her voice was louder than normal so it would catch the attention of the others. It did. All of them except Chloe who was dead asleep rushed to her side to eavesdrop on the call.

“Yes, Sheraton hotel. I’ve set up a reservation for a table for two. We should be there before seven.”

Hmm… Ronke knew she wasn’t missing this for the world but like every ‘good girl’, she had to play hard to get.

“You should have told me before.” She replied with a stern voice. “I’m kinda busy now.” Nike shot her two thumbs up and the three of them giggled.

“Well, I know I should have. I was going to tell you in class today but you weren’t around and my plan was to make it a surprise; you know, treat the most beautiful girl in the entire school to a first class treatment in Nigeria’s finest hotel.”

She covered the mouthpiece with her free hand and nodded to the girls. He really was good; no wonder girls fell for him. Shade urged her to continue the call. The hurt she felt minutes ago was non-existent now.

“Alright, I’ll see what I can do. What time are you coming to pick me?”

“Me? I’m not coming to pick you.”

“What? Am I supposed to walk down to yo…?”

“My driver is.” He interrupted her.

“What do you mean by your driver?”

“It’s a dinner for two in Sheraton Ronke, not some random restaurant. I was thinking we make it a real dinner like the type you see in foreign movies and my Murano won’t quite fit the bill, so I sent for my driver at home and he’s bringing my Aston Martin.”

“Your what?

“My Aston Martin Vanquish; It’s my latest car. Haven’t even seen it yet, it arrived from America two weeks ago.” He waited for her reply and then continued. “So, my driver is coming to pick you up and then come and get me too. Is six fine by you?”


“Alright, see you by six then.”

“Yes.” She couldn’t understand anything anymore; she was floating on cloud nine and all her replies to his questions automatically became yes.

“I hope you understood all I’ve said.”


“Do me a favour; wear something sexy.”


“Alright then, bye.”

“Bye.” She waited for him to drop the call and screamed. The girls managed to calm her down and she told them everything they didn’t hear clearly themselves while eavesdropping.

“The guy is boxed up o!” Nike commented. “Aston Martin of life. Ronke darl, you have hit this jackpot”

“Yes o!” Ronke replied. “Now, let me get what I’m going to wear.”


The year was 2011. It is mid-august and the rainy season was beginning to pack up and vacate for the dry season. All was quiet and calm on campus that evening. Most students just finished their lectures for the day and some were headed for their dormitories while the rest hurried to the cafeteria for a meal or a quick snack.

Back at the college of science, Nath waited behind while Josh talked to Shade. She giggled and blushed at every statement he made and a bystander would have thought Josh was a comedian. Nath found it amusing however. To him, watching Shade talk to Josh was a favourite pastime he always enjoyed.

Why she wouldn’t just tell him she liked him? He wondered. It was so glaring, everybody knew but so was Josh’s love for Ronke. That was a worse case. Even the lecturers knew poor Josh was desperately in love with Ronke but in his case, Love was blind and a big coward!
If she fell for him every time he stared and ogled at her, she would be in hell about now.

He watched Josh round up his conversation with Shade and wave at Ronke who was seated at the far corner in the hall. She waved back and smiled. Nath quickly turned away to avoid Josh see the faces he was making. They could have been a cute couple if only his best friend gathered up some slack and walked up to her.

Josh joined him and they walked out of the lecture hall. The sun was still up, few clouds were in sight and it was 5pm; perfect time for a journey Nath devised.

“You know you should have gone to kiss her goodbye or something.”

“Huh? Kiss who? Shade?”

“Shade kor. Is it Shade you love?”

“Oh Ronke… forget that side.”

“Okay o, your loss not mine. Oya let’s go to where we were going.”

“Go where?” Josh asked. Nath sighed and punched him on his shoulder.

“Don’t tell me you forgot. “

“Forgot what?” Josh kept a straight face while he spoke. He wasn’t sure how long he could keep it up but so far it got Nath frustrated, he was ready to keep it up forever.

“You’re just nuts. This is exactly why I…”

“I remember jor.” Josh replied and laughed. “You should see your face when you’re frustrated. You look like a combo of Shrek and Bill Cosby.”



“Sha lets go.”

“Nath, don’t you think it’s too late. Ikeja is not close to Akoka.”

“We will be back soon, I promise. And it’s Thursday; there is never traffic on Thursday.”

“Are you sure about that?” Josh asked reluctantly. His mum had warned him about travelling late and especially with ‘Danfos.’ “Nath, can we just go tomorrow?”

“No Josh, If you’re not going, no P. I’ll see you later.” He started to walk towards the entrance of the school and Josh stood there looking at the rear of his best friend retreating with each step.

“This guy is going to get us killed and he’ll now be forming” He muttered.

“Ode, wait jor.” He said aloud and ran to join him…


Nath woke up from sleep and sat up. He just had the same dream he had last night. It had become a regular since they had the accident and he suffered the injury to his head.

He looked to see Josh who is peacefully sleeping in the corner.
Thank God we survived that accident.

He never wanted to imagine how life would have felt if Josh had not recovered from the coma. He would have…

There was a knock on the door and he stood up to go answer it. He opened it to see Lekan bent over and panting like he had just run a cross country.

“What?” He asked without letting him catch his breath.

“Have you seen tope?” Lekan managed to ask.

“What’s wrong with these guys?” Nath mutters under his breath. “How would you come to my room, knock my door and then ask me if I have seen Tope? Does that make any sense to you? Shouldn’t I be asking you? Aren’t you his bodyguard?”

Lekan opened his mouth amazed and pondered on which question he would answer first. He said something in Yoruba and later switched to English;

“Calm down o, are we fighting? Tope just said I should come and tell you to come see him and his girlfriend in his new ride.”

“Girlfriend? When did Tope have a girlfriend?”

“It’s Ronke.”

“Which Ronke?”

“The same one you know now. The one you almost kissed last week. I heard he’s taking her to Sheraton.”
Nath cursed and slammed the door in Lekan’s face.

“That guy is a bastard!” He kept his voice low so it wouldn’t wake Josh. “We just talked today and the idiot is already working on it. I bet he started planning before he came to meet me.” He collapsed on his bed and considered waking Josh to tell him.

He finally resorted to telling Josh and as he was about to tap Josh, he heard a knock on the door.

“Who the hell is that? I hope it’s not you Lekan because I’ll shoot you!” He heard no response, grinned and Josh turned to look at him.

“What? Why did you wake me?” Josh asked.

“I just wanted to tell you that…” the door swung open and when Nath saw who was at the doorway, he felt a sharp pain at the back of his neck. His vision became blurry and he passed out.


Nath opened his eyes but the bright lights directly overhead irritated him and it took him a while to get used to them. He scanned the room and saw his mother talking to a doctor at the far corner beside the door. He tried to call her but his mouth was numb and no sound came out. The doctor however saw him struggling and rushed to his side alongside his mom.

“Just stay still, I’ll be right back.” The doctor said.
He managed to ask his mother where he was and she explained to him how he fainted back at school and a friend brought him here.

“It was Josh.”

“Which Josh?”

“Joshua Fela, my friend. He brought me here.” His mother started sobbing and she rushed to get the doctor. They came back together and the doctor examined his eyes with a tiny flash light.

“We have to run another CT scan. If my presumptions are right, the fainting or whoever he saw might have caused another haemorrhage; and if that is true, his former condition might have gotten worse.”

“What condition?” His mother asked.

“The Capgras Syndrome. Didn’t you just tell me the last thing he said he saw was his dead friend.”

“Dead friend… you mean Josh?”

“Yes.” The doctor answered.

“Josh is not dead o; he was sleeping in the room before what happened.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was talking to Josh and another Josh entered the room. This one was much older, had beards and pimples.”

“So there were two Joshs’. ”


The doctor looked at his mother as if to say ‘I told you so’ and left to get ready for the CT scan.

“Nath, my darling…” his mother said. “Josh is dead; he didn’t survive the accident.”

“No mom, he isn’t. We have been together since the accident.” Her sobbing increased and she held his hand to her mouth.

“Nath, no. he’s not.”

The doctor came back with some nurses and other doctors and he was wheeled to the MRI department of the hospital, his mother followed closely and did not let go of his hand until they got to the room where the CT scanner was. She was asked to wait outside and she reluctantly agreed.

Nath looked at the CT scanner in the distance and chuckled. It looked like something Disney character; Tony Stark would own if he was real. His view of it however got blocked when a nurse came to administer anaesthesia on him. Immediately, his vision became blurry and his body felt numb. He struggled to keep his eyes open but the same nurse held him and told him to be calm. He obeyed her and blacked out seconds later.

To be continued next week Tuesday.


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Joshua Fela – Episode 4

Joshua Fela | Damstylee _ Original picture sourced from google

Joshua Fela | Damstylee _ Original picture sourced from google


The bronze felt door knob shuddered and the whole class halted the frenzy. After much struggle, the door whisked open and they chorused;

“Lover B…!” They stopped in their stride when Tope appeared through the door. His massive frame almost covered the entirety of the door way and he looked on in excitement.

“Is it my birthday or something?” He asked.

“Sit down Tope.” Chloe replied disappointed while some others mumbled incoherent words.

“Close the door too.” Mohammed, a light skinned Fulani indigene added and Tope shut the door behind him.

“What’s happening?” Tope asked him.

“We want to surprise Nathaniel. Didn’t you get the bc?”


“Okay. We are screaming ‘lover boy’ when he enters, so get ready”

“Why? What did he do?”

Mohammed stared at him. A single styptic blink told Tope he shouldn’t have asked that.

“Are you not a student of this school?” Tope looked on lost. He tried to maintain his composure and maintain the eye contact but he feared he might lose it. He however was lucky. Mohammed gave up on his stare.

“He almost kissed Ronke on Saturday.” He said and switched his gaze to the door.

“Huh? Which Ronke?”

“What other Ronke do you know?” Mohammed answered without breaking his gaze. He answered before Tope could speak.

“Ronke Ogah. The same one that has been in the same course with you for four years yet you don’t know her.”

“How is th..tha..that..po..possi..possible?” Tope stammered. Blood rushed to his head and he wondered why. Ronke should be his. She is the finest girl in the school, how come he never thought of asking her out? And now, Nath wants to get in his way.

“Is he mad? How dare he?” Mohammed shook because of the sudden outbursts.

“Are you guys nuts? That small boy kissed the finest girl in the school and you want to congratulate him?”

“Ehen… how is that your business?” It was Chiamaka that spoke. Her petite frame, big eyes and geeky spectacles were a sharp contrast to Tope’s well shaped muscles and 6’2 height. He chuckled in confidence and advanced on her.

“See, if I slap you eh, you will think it’s a trailer that hit you.”
She swerved around to face the other girls and clapped her hands in typical market women fashion.

“You want to slap me? Oya slap it!” She closed up the gap between them and pushed her body against his. He felt her chest on his crotch and laughed.

“See how short you are. You are like a foot or maybe even less. I hope the weather down there is not too cold for you.” Some boys laughed at this but immediately stopped when the girls shot them bitter looks. By now, Chika, Chloe and Titi had joined the fight in favour of their fellow female and their small alliance made Tope retract a few steps.

“Oh, now you are scared.” Chiamaka said. “Why won’t you be when your IQ has a minus sign leading it.” The whole class burst into laughter and Tope bit his lower lip in anger. He had lost this battle, he thought. And he sure as hell would not beat girls. That would kill his reputation on campus.

“That’s why Ronke won’t fall for you, shey that’s why you’re flaring up. You’ve never liked people beating you to things. You are just a spoilt brat.” Chiamaka said. “And that’s why Ronke will kiss Nath a billion times before thinking about you and that is because he is more of a man than you.”

The entrance door creaked and everybody turned to see Nath standing in the doorway. With the look on his face, it was obvious he had been there for quite a while. He stood there for some seconds scanning each face in the lecture hall before finally settling on Tope’s. They maintained eye contact for about half a second before their concentration is broken by the sound of a maths set crashing against a concrete floor. Everybody turned to look in the direction of the sound and when they turned back to Nath, he was gone.

“See what you caused.” Chiamaka said to Tope. “I hope you’re happy now.


Nath staggered up the stairs, the weight of the books in the back slowing him down to sloth like speed. His mind was still focused on the happenings earlier today. He could see it now. He had seen it half a dozen times on his way back from the college building.

So the whole school knew.

That means Josh knew. His head hurt as he tried to wipe the image off his mind. He had dreaded this day; the day he would have to stand up to Josh and tell him he was crushing on the love of his life.

Which best friend in his normal senses does that?

Yes, he had a past, a very bad past but he was better now. He was ‘good’ now. Ronke however brought up the old part of him. The ‘Martian’ side of him that was dormant. He felt it the day before and it scared him.

He arrived on the fourth floor of the dormitory and dragged his weight to his room. He could hear music from his room. Adele. Josh was home. He opened the door with his key and there was Josh lying down on his bed face up.

“Hey Josh.” He said. There was no reply.

He proceeded to get rid of the load that was his bag and heard Josh speak.

“I’ve heard your gist.”

I’m sorry was all Nath could say.

“Sorry for what? I only said I’ve heard your gist.” Josh countered. “Or is there something I’m missing.” He sat up on the bed to face Nath. Nath looked away.



“Why did you do it?”

“I don’t know, I’m sorry.”

Josh stood up and walked to the book shelf in the corner. He picked up “Red Dragon” by Thomas Harris and flipped through the pages while Nath stared in silence.

“You know this sorry ish is annoying? Just answer my question; why did you do it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Shut up.” Josh bawled. “Don’t tell me you don’t know. First you save her contact on your phone as Abigail so I wouldn’t know, then you tried to kiss her. Now the whole school thinks you guys are engaged and you’re telling me you don’t know.”

“I like her. I always have, but you liked her too and so I stayed away.”

The room is quiet for a while. Josh returned the book to the shelf and picked up a roll of tissue paper.

“I should have known. It was always about her, you never were my friend.”

He slid his feet into a pair of bathroom slippers and Nath watched him enter the toilet and shut the door behind him. It was then he noticed he was still carrying his bag and he dropped it on the bed. He picked up a sachet of water to drink and was about to switch on the TV when Tope stumbled in.

“Who were you arguing with?”

“Not your business.” Nath replied without looking at him.

“Alright, I’m just here to discuss about Ronke.”

“What about her?”

“I like her and I know you like her too but we can’t share her.”

“Where is this coming from?” Nath asked disinterested.

“Chill, you will soon understand.” He paused and stopped to remember his lines he crammed a few minutes ago.

“I’m putting you up to a challenge.”

That caught Nath’s attention and he swivelled round to face Tope.

“What challenge?”
Tope heard the anxiety in his voice and smiled. He got this in the bag already.

“A challenge to see who gets her first; as you know, I’m not a big fan of girls. If I wanted a girlfriend, my dad’s colleagues in the senate have beautiful daughters. All I want to do now is just sleep with Ronke.”

“Yo..You can’t do that.”

Tope grew in confidence and whispered; “oh yes, I can and I would. Talk to you later.” He winked and exited the room.

Nath sunk in his chair and puffed. This meant trouble for himself and Josh. Tope had never lost a challenge especially when it involved sleeping with girls. He was stupid all right but he knew how to put his father’s wealth to good use. Nath feared this might not be different from the others; the guy was a freaking enigma.

The toilet door swung open and Josh stepped out.

“Who was that?”


“What did he want?”

“Nothing” He couldn’t bring himself to tell him what Tope just said.


Ronke laid on her bed with her head propped against her pillow. Her eyes were fixed on the pages of Tunde Leye’s ‘Golden Sands’. She heaved the occasional sigh from time to time and gasped once.

At two, the wall clock chimed twice. Its little chimes reminiscent of a cardinal’s voice. She looked up at the clock and squinted through her reading glasses to see its hands properly. A thought popped up in her mind and she quickly dispelled it.

Why hadn’t they come back?

She had decided to stay indoors this week to avoid been seen by anybody. At least till the Nath scandal died down. Chloe and Shade should have returned by twelve. That was when classes ended on Thursday.

At ten minutes past two, the slightly dysfunctional tap in the bedroom coughed rigorously before it settled to a steady dribble of water unto the ceramic shower tray below. She listened and her ears stood up. Her brothers always teased her anytime she did that. She remembered their taunting jibes and smiled. She missed them.

She dropped the book aside and strolled to her wardrobe to get her towel. Midway through her bath, she heard a knock on the door.

Seriously… They had to come now.

“I’m coming.” She said aloud hoping the person heard her over the running tap. She hurried and was done in five minutes. When she opened the door, she wasn’t surprised to see Chloe and Nike waiting.

“I’m sorry, was bathing. What took you guys so long?” She directed the question to Chloe while Nike ‘eyed’ her and made herself comfortable on her bed. She was furiously tapping her Bold 5 keypads. as usual.

“It’s Nike o. She asked me to follow her to the bank to pay in some money.”

“Ronke” Nike said.

“Oh, you know my name. I thought we were strangers.” Ronke replied. Nike laughed albeit sarcastically.

“You have to go out with Nath.”

“Excuse me?”

“You have to go out with Nath.”

“And am I permitted to ask why?”

“Because he will probably kill you if you don’t.”

Both Chloe and Ronke burst into laughter.

“Nath… kill me? That guy can’t even hurt a fly.”

“Maybe, but he was once a cultist over at Ilorin and a bad guy at that. According to gist, he was the leader and got expelled in his final year. His alias was ‘Martian’” Ronke swallowed and Nike looked up with an evil grin.

“Now, who’s laughing?”

“Be serious jor. When did Nath go to Ilorin?”

“Do you think I’ll joke about something like this? Take.” She handed her phone to Ronke.
“Read the chat messages.” Ronke found a chair to sit on and read from line to line Nike_Spice’s conversation with ‘Twister’.

“Yomi. That’s the Twister’s guy’s name. He added me on bbm on Sunday after he heard the gist about the kiss and ish. And when we started talking, he told me who Nath was before and how much of a terror he was in Unilorin. He said the whole school celebrated when he got expelled and that if you liked your life, you would go out with him.”

After six minutes of reading and two minutes in deep thoughts, Ronke spoke;

“It’s a lie jor! How do you know this guy is not bluffing?”

“Because he’s not. Open my browser and refresh the opened tab.” Ronke did so and when the page loaded, the caption header made her wince.


She spent the next minutes reading the story of how Nathaniel Bassey; the terror of Unilorin had terrorised all and sundry and how it took a dozen mopol officials to fish him out and boot him out of the campus in advent of his expulsion. At the bottom of the story was a picture of Nath in cuffs. His Mohawk was tainted brown with what seemed like sand and his dishevelled singlet had obviously seen better days.

“Jesus.” Ronke gasped. “My own has finished. How do I live with a murderer on mu ta…?” The words weren’t out of her mouth when Shade burst into the room.
Ronke; obviously pissed barked at her in anger. “Hello! There is a door, you know. She rolled her eyes and hissed.”

“I know…sorry.” Shade tried desperately to catch her breath. After she had achieved that to an extent, she cursed.

“What?” Ronke asked

“I just saw Josh.”

“Who is josh?”

“Joshua Fela.”

Ronke stared at Shade in terror and stood up. She looked like she had seen a ghost.

“Are you nuts, how can you say you saw Josh?”

“I did. I was entering the school when I saw him, but when I called his name, he just disappeared in the crowd.”

“Exactly… That poor fellow did that because he was not Josh.”

“I’m serious.”

Chloe just fell on her back and hummed. “Joshua Fela kor, Fela kuti ni.”

Shade shot her a look, thought about it and ignored her.

She grabbed Ronke and pulled her to herself.

“Ronke, would I lie to you?”


“Good. So I’m telling you I saw Josh and I need you to believe me.” Ronke shook her head in disbelief refusing to maintain eye contact with Shade.

“Who is this Joshua Fela?” Nike chipped in. “Is that not the same guy Nah was talking about?”

“Yes.” Both Shade and Ronke answered.

“So what is it about him that is so special that Shade cannot see him? Is he out of school?”


“Then where is he?”

“Heaven I guess.”


“Shade couldn’t have seen Joshua Fela…” Ronke said placing emphasis on ‘couldn’t’. She turned to look at Nike and back at Shade.

“…because Joshua Fela died in a car accident two years ago.”

To be continued next week Tuesday


Thanks for reading.
Do drop a comment or your views below, it will be really appreciated.

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Mike Dammy
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    Download “MUSIC IN SESSION

    Music in Session_JswissMusic in Session

    Music in session is a mixtape by Jswiss and Nonso.
    Jswiss is a talented rapper and Nonso an upcoming singer,rapper and producer.

Joshua Fela – Episode 3 “Ronke”

Joshua Fela - Episode 3_Original Picture sourced from google

Joshua Fela – Episode 3_Original Picture sourced from google

Josh here.

Its still not my story though, its Ronke’s.



Did that idiot just try to kiss me? Yuck! Nath just tried to kiss me! Has my standard dropped or something? The boy must be stupid.

I continued walking until I was out of sight. I had just experienced the worst moment of my life and I feared my reputation was going to suffer. I just hope nobody saw us.

“I’m sure nobody did.” I assured myself but my mind felt differently. The stigma of a geek kissing a babe like me was beginning to set in and everybody I passed on my way seemed to be whispering.

Jesus. Temi ba mi big time, people know already.

I could feel tears swelling up in my eyes and I started jogging towards my dormitory. Now everybody started turning around to look. My unkempt Brazilian hair was probably making a scene behind me or maybe they just knew.
In three minutes, I was standing in front of my room. The door tag with the inscription B26 looked strange now or maybe it was just my tear laden eyes that were creating the illusion. I stretched forth my hand to open the door and it opened itself. No, Shade opened it from the inside.

At my sight, Shade gasped in surprise and laughed at herself afterwards. She commented on how fearful she had gotten of recent.

“Even cockroaches scare me now.” She said.

“Hurray!” Chloe exclaimed with sarcasm written all over her voice. “You have finally become a girl.”

“Ode!” Shade retorted. “So, I wasn’t a girl before because I wasn’t scared of rodents”

“No o… you were now, a girl with six perks and a dick.” Nike teased and the whole room burst into laughter.

I took a while to survey what was supposed to be my room. It looked the same as when I left it this morning. The colourful yellow wallpapers with a touch of pink to it courtesy of Chloe’s incessant urge to be a child adorned the walls. The neatly arranged furniture, the little stove by the west wing of the room and then the girls.

Chloe was wearing a white Cinderella sort of gown with a pink beret and bow as usual. I still can’t believe I had lasted this long with her as my roommate. Her mind had a close resemblance to the minds of the dumb blondes we always saw in movies and series. No wonder her parents called her Chloe sef. Which Igbo man in his right senses calls his daughter Chloe. What happened to all their traditional names especially the ones that start with ‘Chi’ like Chiamaka and Chika, our next door neighbours.

Shade was in her typical indoor attire; a white singlet over a pair of jeans. It’s still a marvel to me as to why she wears the singlet. She could as well not wear anything because left to me; they play no role at all, especially when they are supposed to cover her boobs. I doubt an XXL shirt would even keep those double D ‘things’ out of sight. She was definitely the goddess among us. I turn to look at Nike and I’m not disappointed, the bitch is naked.

What kind of human being doesn’t k…

“Ronke?” Nike’s high pitched voice interrupted my thoughts. “Why are you standing in front of the door like a vampire? Are we supposed to welcome you in?” She laughed.

Nike had always been the joker in our clique. Her skinny frame with her saucy attitude complemented her personality perfectly. I tried to give her a look of disgust and tried hard to resist the urge to stare at her tiny breasts, that’s if they can be termed breasts at all.

“Nike…” I finally said as I stepped into the room. “Please get your bare butt off my bed and carry yourself and those things you call boobs out of here”

“What? You mean you don’t like my butt on your sheets?” She rubbed her butt in circular motions along my bed sheet and I held myself from puking.

Is it the bed I’ll sleep on that this idiot is…

“Don’t make faces jor.” She added.
I sighed, sat on a chair and cleared my throat to speak;

“If Nike doesn’t get off my bed in three seconds, you guys are going to miss out on the gist I have for you”
Everybody’s ears twitched and all eyes were set on me as I completed the statement. For the brief moment, I basked in the attention and looked in the other direction hissing as I did.

Quick, Nike was out of the room and came back in a record time of thirty seconds fully clothed. We stared in amazement and took turns to look at each our faces with our mouths agape. Chloe spoke first.

“Nike.. how.. how did you..”

“Never mind. Never mind”. She waved Chloe off, grabbed a pillow and jumped on my bed with her eyes fastened on me.

“Oya Ronke, we’re waiting for you.” She said with a grin on her face.

“Okay.” I snapped out of the trance and adjusted my chair so I could see my audience better.

“Today..” I paused. “…is the most embarrassing day of my life.”

They nodded their head in unison. “Okay, cool story. Is that all?”

“You all know Nath shey?”

Chloe answered. “Nath in our course?” They shared glances and I tried to read their minds to no avail.

“Yes.” I replied. I was about to continue when Nike interrupted; “You guys know I’m not in your class right?”

Shade who had been quiet most of the time finally spoke. “Nike, you will learn about him later. Ronke, continue”

“He tried to kiss me.”

The room is quiet for a second. In that short period, I closed my eyes and waited for their hysterical laughter and insults but I heard nothing. After a while, I opened my eyes to meet their blank stares.

“Did you guys just hear me? I said Nath almost kissed me!”

“Yea, we heard you the first time.” Nike replied. I sensed a lack of interest in her voice.

“Then why are you guys calm about it?”

“Because we already knew.” Chloe answered. “Chiamaka saw everything and took pictures and they are all over BBM.”

“That’s why we weren’t surprised.” Shade added. “Everybody knows.”

I felt my legs wobble under my weight and…


I yawned for the umpteenth time and adjusted my body on the plastic chair I was seated on. Today’s service was unbearably boring and half of the congregation felt the same way as students were slouching and dozing in various positions.”

“This chair is so uncomfortable.” I commented.

“I know right!” Shade responded.

I looked in her direction and what I saw made me chuckle. Her eyes were red from fighting too hard against sleep and she didn’t look like she was winning.

“You should see your eyes.” I said. “You look like a hardened smoker.”

“You haven’t seen yours yet, so don’t talk.” She replied.
We both laughed and only stopped laughing when an usher told us to hush. We made faces at him immediately he turned away and I would have insulted him. If he didn’t look good in his official outfit; the black waist coat on an immaculate white shirt and black pants.

“Is it my fault that the service is dry?” I asked no one in particular.

“I wonder o. They’ll just be disturbing us, because we are girls. Why cant he disturb that buff guy sitting in front?”

“You want him to sign his death warrant ni?” We giggled again and quickly composed ourselves when another usher looked in our direction. Soon we got bored and decided to listen to the preacher and we were dozed off again but awakened when we heard Nike giggling and mouthing words”

“Nike.” Shade called.

“Yea.” She answered without looking up from her phone.
“So wa alright sha? What is making you laugh?”

“Its Ronke o.”

“I don’t understand.” I replied puzzled. “How am I making you laugh all the way from here?”

“Not you jor, your gist, your picture has gone viral, everyone is talking about it. In fact someone just asked if you and Nath are going out… I’m going to reply ‘Yes’”

“You dare not.” I threatened. “Don’t be stupid”

“Oops! Already did.” She shrugged her shoulders and shone her teeth ironically to the disgust of Shade and I.

“You should see this by the way, it’s crazy. This is why you should get yourself a blackberry and throw all this apple products you’ll be carrying about away. You get the gist first hand; hot and spicy!”

Shade snatched Nike’s phone from her and we quickly skimmed through the updates;

Lafete: Ronke and Nath??!!! Who the hell is Nath??? Ronke has messed up big time!
Sylvia06: hehe. God catch the bitch. Shey she likes forming swagger lord.
Nike_Spice: You have to admit, they do look cute together. :*
Bibi: What is all these noise about Ronke and Nath? Who the hell is this Nath boy btw?? >:O
Twister: Why the f**k does that Nath guy look familiar??!!
Sweety91: Aww Aww…. :$ They look cute together!!
God_Son: @Sweety91. IKR!!!

I stared in amazement and only closed my mouth after Shade told me to.

“Guys.” I muttered. “It’s everywhere. My reputation is dead. I’m going home Shade, I can’t wait for the end of this service.”

The three of us hurried out of the church and headed in the direction of the canteen because I said I needed a drink. We were on our way when Nike suddenly stopped us. She fiddled with her phone, looked up a couple of times and back to her phone.

“Nike, what is it?” I asked angrily.

“Is that not Mr. Lover boy coming?” She pointed in the direction of the male dormitories. I put my hand to my face to shield my eyes from the sunlight, strained my eyes and say Nath coming towards us.

That Nike girl really has some bad ass eyesight.

I was about to rush towards him but Shade held me back.

“Calm down Ronke, it’s never worth making a scene.” She said.

Nike grumbled and threw her hands in reckless abandon.

“What is wrong with you Shade? Must you always be a doting mother? Leave her, let her go and beat him. Maybe the gist would get to Linda Ikeji this time and we will be famous and…”

I shot her a bitter look and she halted in her speech.

Nath waved at us when he saw us and walked towards us. When he got to our side, we exchanged pleasantries and Nike quickly engaged him in a conversation about random stuff while Shade and I stared on without any form of interest. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I interrupted them.


“Yes.” He replied and looked at me.

“What happened yeste…”

“Shh..” he interrupted me and directed me to a secluded area away from the girls.

So you like privacy, yet you tried to kiss me in public. Idiot!

“Josh, chill for me, I’ll be right back.” He said before we walked away. I paused in my steps and looked at the other two, “who the hell is Josh?” I whispered. They both shrugged and shook their heads.

After we left, Shade asked, “did you introduce yourself as Josh or whatever he said”

“No, is my name Josh? I thought he was talking to you.”Nike replied.

“Ronke, I’m really sorry about what happened yesterday. It was a big mistake on my path” Nath pleaded.

“Mistake? You call that a mistake? Dude, the whole school knows for God’s sake and youre calling it a freaking mistake.”

I advanced on him until I felt his breath on my face.

The idiot better not kiss me now.

“Do you know how rotten my reputation has become?”

“I’m really sorry. I’ll try and fix it but first, I need you to do me a favour”

“What?” I snapped.

“Please, don’t let josh find out.”

I stopped in shock and paused to think.

Who the hell is Josh?

He was out of hearing distance and I couldn’t ask him so the girls and I just waved him goodbye as he walked away.

“Girls, I think something is wrong with Nath.”

“Oh, you notice too,” Nike replied. “He called me Josh.”

I corrected her; “No, he didn’t. Shade, do you remember Josh?”

She shook her head and I ransacked my mind to remember his full name.

“It was Fe-something… Fe…la… yes, it was Fela! Joshua Fela”

“True, true. His nickname was Josh abi. Are you inferring Nath is se…”

“Hello o!” Nike interrupted. “Ladies, what are you talking about? Why am I being left out here?”

I exchanged glances with Shade and winked at her. “Never mind, I’ll gist you later. What I need now is a cold drink. Let’s go to the canteen please”

“What drink has the highest amount of colouring in it?” I whispered to Shade.

“I don’t know, zobo I guess”

“Okay. You guys should chill, I’m coming”

I hurried to the canteen, bought two bottles of zobo and returned to meet the girls.

Nike was the first to speak; “Aww. You bought zobo for me, how nice. Shade, in your face!” She poked out tongue and dangled it in Shade’s face.

“Ehen Nike.” I said.

“Yes darling.” She replied in feigning affection.

“Your bbm handle is Nike_Spice right?”

“Yup! In the flesh, baby.” She grinned afterwards.

“Good.” I opened one bottle of zobo and emptied its content on her.

“That’s for calling Nath and I cute.” I forced myself to not burst out laughing when I saw the look on her face and opened the second bottle and poured it all over her new givenchy shoes.

“And that’s for saying we were in a relationship.”

Shade and I burst into laughter and ran towards the dormitory leaving Nike drenched and dumbfounded.

Bitch! Next time, you don’t f**k with Ronke

To be continued God knows when.


Thanks for reading.
Please drop your comments below.

Mike Dammy
Ff @damstylee on twitter

Joshua Fela – Episode 2 “Nath”

Last time, it was my story. Today, Its Nath’s.
If I don’t make you see it in this perspective, you may never get why I have a story in the first place.

    True friendship is not formed at eye level, its formed from the bonding of hearts.”

I learnt this the hard way.



“Nath… Nath.”

I opened my eyes to see my roommate calling me and gently tapping me. He’s wearing a tank top, even with his skinny frame, a pair of trainers and some gay looking shorts. I squinted in disgust and shook my head in pity.

“What?” I replied still sleepy.

“Its saturday morning.” Josh replied.

I continue staring at him and he stares back. After a while and it seemed like we were in a staring contest, I had to break the disturbing silence.


“Dude, we jog on saturday.”

“No, we don’t.” I objected. “You jog on saturday, I take strolls.. And even if I’m gonna go jogging, I aint following you dressed like that.”

“Like how?” He sounded puzzled and examined himself.

I paused to think of what cruel word to use. It musn’t be too harsh but it must hurt.

“Like a gay human being. People are going to think we are a couple and with the way you carry yourself normally, it won’t be hard to disprove it.” I turn my back to him and face the wall.

After a while, Josh chuckled and I could bet he was shaking his head and staring at me pitifully.

“Stop staring at me.” I said still backing him.

“Ode! Be forming psychic there, I’m not staring at you. Just know you’re missing a lot. Most of the guys are jogging.”

“What guys?” I asked. I turned my head just in time to see Tope, Lekan and some other boys walk in. They are all wearing the same type of shorts. They were chatting among themselves and consistently laughed out in short bursts. Tope’s laps were bulging out and his crotch appeared like it would pop out anytime. The sight was repulsive and disgusting.

I stared at them for two seconds until I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to get out of here and I rummaged my mind for an escape route. Suddenly I jumped up and rushed to the toilet with my hands clasped over my mouth.

Over the running water, I heard Tope’s voice. He asked Josh what was wrong with me but I didn’t quite hear Josh’s reply before I heard the door shut behind them.

“Good.” I said as I walked into the room. “Some peace and quiet at last.” Pretending has gotten a lot harder this days, I need to get out of here and soon. But first…

I picked up my Q5, opened my contact list and scrolled down to Abigail. What excuse do I give her this time?
It took me seconds but I finally got one. Algebra has got to help me here.

The call rang out loud. After the fifth ring, I figured she wasn’t going to pick but voila! she did.

“Hello?” Her angelic voice sounded over the phone.

“Hello.” I replied trying to sound as calm as possible.


“Yea… Its Nath.”

“Nath darling” she called me darling \ O /… “Its seven in the morning, I need to sleep.”

“I’m really sorry.” Sorry kor “I just needed to talk to you urgently.”

“Oh God.” She complained. “And it can’t wait?”

“No… I just want to know if you will be free this evening.”

“What for?”

“I need you to put me through our last Algebra topic.”

“Nath. You’re the best at algebra in our class. In fact you’re the best in the freaking school sef!” shit! Algebra.. Dude, you couldn’t think of something else

“I know.” I say still trying to maintain my composure. “I just really lost it last class. Please, can you help me?”

“Errr… this evening… I don’t know o. What time?”

“Four… No Five.” Josh would be around the cafeteria by four. Last thing I want is for him to see me with the love of his life

“Okay.” She finally agreed. “Where?”

“The cafeteria.”


“Thanks a lot.”

“Don’t mention. And Nath?”


“Please, don’t keep me waiting.”

“I won’t. Thanks Ronke.”


“Bye.” And she dropped.

“Settled that. Now…” I stop to think

Now, I need an excuse to give my stupid roommate when I return.


The cafeteria was hot and the gigantic bright light bulbs were not helping matters. It did help in one thing though; she had gotten increasingly uncomfortable and with each passing moment unbuttoned her shirt exposing her cleavage. It was already turning out to be one of the best days of my life when she stood up to leave and I was employing every trick in the book to get her to stay.

“What can I say, I’m not very handsome.” I said continuing our discussion. We had been here just ten minutes and I was done with my assignment so we were just chatting or rather, I was trying desperately to keep her around. The sight of her chest was too awesome. I couldn’t just let her leave. Just ten minutes! You couldn’t bring up a better plan Nath.

“No, you’re not.” She replied oblivious of what she just said. Or was she?

I searched for solace in her eyes that would betray what she just said but I found none.

“You are joking right?” I asked teasingly.

“Nope. You’re not handsome.” She looked away from me and waved at some of our course mates. I wave at them too and they waved back.

“Ronke, you know that’s mean right?” I finally said down casted

“What’s mean?” She replied lost and out of place. I stared at her and she remembered our discussion.

“Oh! You mean the not handsome part? Its true now, you’re not handsome. Josh is more handsome than you.”

“What?” I exclaimed in surprise. “Josh? You’re joking right?”

“No, I’m not. Josh is handsome, you’re not. Come to think of it, where’s Josh? You guys are always together.”

Her slightly saucy attitude was beginning to piss me off.

“I don’t know.” I reply disgusted. Stupid bitch! First, you call me ugly, now you’re asking me where Josh is. Nonsense.

“You know I’m standing right in front of you.” Her voice dragged me back to the cafeteria from my brief visit to my subconscious.


“You looked like you were planning my murder. Is it because I said you are ugly?”

“Your murder?” I replied while trying desperately to conjure a smile. “What are you talking about?” I adjusted my smile and tried to see if it looked genuine through her pupils.

“You were staring and making faces at me. You’re even faking a smile right now.” Her hands were on her hips now and she was staring directly into my face.

“Really? I swear I did not know.” I asked still feigning ignorance. My eyes examined and I scanned her appearance for a brief second before returning it to her face as fast as I could.
I hope she didn’t notice

She was a real goddess I had to admit. No wonder Josh was in love with her. Her dark hair was neatly combed and slightly dropped on her shoulders. Her eyes spoke volumes and it fit perfectly on her almost perfect face. And her lips! Those lips! If I could just lean in…

A slap on my face brought back my consciousness.

“What?” I exclaimed. “Why did you slap me?”

“You were leaning in to kiss me, idiot! Perv!” She hissed and turned to go in the direction of the female dormitories.

“I’m sorry!” I shouted after her. “I did not know what I was doing!” My eyes remained glued to her frame. Her backside was sending crazy signals to my brain and you know what.

I must bang this girl. Even if its the last thing I do


Back at the dormitory, Josh was playing Fifa. As usual… that boy really needs to get a life. I shut the door behind me and head straight for the loo. After I was done with my private business, I stepped out of the toilet into the room. Josh was first to speak.


“Yea.” I answered scornfully. He didn’t notice though.

“Where were you? I came back from jogging and you were gone. By the way, Jogging was fun.”

Yea… Gay jogging. “I went to see your babe.”

“Ronke?” I noticed the excitement in his voice.


“For real?”

“No idiot. Why would I go and see your babe? Am I that jobless?”

He paused the game to turn and look at me. “You’re just not smart. But on a serious note, did you see her?”

“No.” I replied abruptly and He resumed his game.

“Alright. I have been looking for her for a while now.”

“Well that’s your P. I can’t be looking for her for you. I’m not the one in love with her.”

“Why the beef though?” Josh said still engrossed in his game. “Its not like I can control my…Goal!… Sorry, its not as if I can control my feelings for her. She is just amazing.”

I know right. “Yea right.” I muttered under my breath.

I changed into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and collapse on my bed. It is 7:30pm. Not too late. Tomorrow was Sunday anyway. Josh would want to go to church. The idiot better not wake me up. The services I’ve been going to for the past two years should be able to last me till I die.



“Don’t tell me you’re sleeping. Its barely eight.”

“I know. I’m just tired from today’s work.” Work? Seriously? I really need to improve on my lying skills. This boy might start to read in between the lines soon. Thankfully, he bought it.

“Na you know o!” His voice sounded funny. “I wonder what kind of work you do on saturday. Its not like you have a babe you’re chyking.”

I managed a smile and turned over to face the wall. “You would soon know”. I muttered and tried to doze off. Its all quiet for a while until Josh broke the silence.

“You know you forgot your phone right?”

“Yes I know.” I emphasized the anger in my voice and hoped he got it. “Josh, please let me sleep. I’m tired.”

He did. I sensed he wanted to say something and even though I hoped he would say what was on his mind, I wasn’t ready when he did.

“Abigail called.”

Abi… What? Oh Shit!

To be continued


Thanks for reading.
Share your comments below.

Mike Dammy
Ff @damstylee on twitter

Joshua Fela – Episode 1

Well.. Well.. I’m back and so are you.

Welcome. *bows theatrically* 😀

Okay, I know I said yesterday that I was done with blogging and writing, I lied. X_X… Not on purpose though but I don’t think I can stop doing something I love. I’m kinda like Jack in Titanic and I’ll continue dying 2 save Rose if its all I do… (Hmm… That’s not a smart example though).

Anyhow sha… The truth of the matter is I’m not done with writing or blogging and I’m not sure I ever will. A big thank you to the folks that told me I was bluffing yesterday, you guys gave me something to think about.

So, for my comeback party, I’m starting a series. Its not gonna be conventional. Its not gonna be my ‘type of writing’ but its something new and I love challenges.

So, when you’re done. Be kind enough to drop your comments, views and criticism. Also share the post if you like it. Even if you don’t, share it :|.
Like our facebook page and subscribe to the blog.

That said.

Bye…. :d

Sorry… Enjoy!

    I guess I was bluffing

    I guess I was bluffing



My name is Joshua fela and no, I don’t mean the popular musician/activist Fela. I’m not related to him but my father said our family is as important as his. I have a feeling he was lying now.

So, I’m here to share my story. I could have done so before but I think its much easier when you’re looking at if from a different perspective.

    • I’m happily married but my wife is no more.
    • I am the best father in the world but my kids don’t know me anymore.
    • I have the best friend in the world but he has not come to see me in ages.
    • I’ve got the best family in the world but it seems they are beginning to get over me.
    • I’ll be 25 tomorrow and I can’t get married. Not that I can help it.
    • And finally, I’m dead.

But most importantly, of all the things I’ve listed above, only one is true but I’ll leave you to find out which.

Joshua Fela_ Original photo sourced from Google

Joshua Fela_ Original photo sourced from Google


Red light blinks rhythmically in the distance, the blackberry phone vibrating with each notification. Nath looks away from the Purple Hibiscus he was engrossed in to the phone and after assuring himself it was a Ping and not a call returns his attention to the novel.

“Chimamanda…. You’re good mehn.” he says to himself while trying to not disturb his sleeping roommate. He looks over to Josh and sniffed; the result of getting beaten by the rain.

He had disagreed with Josh’s plan of going over to the school’s sports centre for a swim but got forced by the same. Unfortunately, the rain chose that fateful day to bless the earth’s farmers and now he had a cold to tend to.

“Peer pressure… No brain.” He says in the sleeping boy’s direction.

The door bursts open and a ‘man’ in his early twenties steps into the room.

“Nathaniel!” He barks. “You don see Lekan and Lanre?”

“Yes I have.” Nath replies still reading his book. “They just told me to tell you not to barge into people’s rooms, stupid!”


“Idiot.” Nath mutters under his breath

“Did you just diss me?”

“No o! Diss you ke? How can I? With your 6-perks and chest, you wan make I die?” Nath replies.

Delighted, Tope flexes his abs and puffs out his chest in response to Nath’s sarcastic compliment.
Nath just shakes his head in pity.

“Ehen… So you have not seen them?”

“God! You’re so dumb.” He whispers

“You say?!”

“Nothing.. nothing..” Nath quickly adds.

“Okay.” He looks over to the sleeping teen and smirks;

“Sleep no go kill Josh! Did you guys work all night?”

“No o, we only went swimming yesterday.”

“Swimming?!” Tope’s eyes light up with the news. “With babes?”

“Err… no.” Nath replies embarrassed.

Shaking his head, Tope hisses and turns to leave the room.

“You guys are just gay geeks. Get a life please!”

“Yea Yea… Cool story bro.” Tope replies after him.

Tope just sniffs and walks out muttering something to himself while Nath returns to his former posture, his hand still clutching the book. He struggles to read afterwards but couldn’t as what Tope just said had struck a chord in him and he rummages over it.

“What the Idiot said is true though. When am I ever going to get a babe or better still get laid.” His trousers bulge at the thought of having sex and he attempts to clear the thought off his mind to no avail.

“You see, young man down there,” he says to his slightly erect penis. “Until I get the liver to talk to babes, you are not getting any action… So its either you help me or we remain stuck forever”

“And No,” He responds to his ‘penis’. “Josh cannot help. That nigga is too busy daydreaming about that his stupid crush”

He turns to look at Josh who is smiling in his sleep.

“Ode! I said it! The mumu is dreaming about her again.” He walks towards Josh and jabs him in the leg. Josh jerks up and looked around quickly.

“Dude!” He exclaims. “What the heck? I’ve told you to stop waking me when I’m having my afternoon nap”

“What stupid nap are you talking about? Stay there and be deceiving yourself as if the girl would come and meet you in your dream.”

“What girl?” Josh asks

“Ronke of course!”

“How.. How did you know I was dreaming about Ronke?”

Nath sighs and walks away.

“Answer me now.” Josh calls after him.

“Because you do so every time! You’re so obsessed with this girl and you can’t even walk up to her to say Hi. I bet she doesn’t even know you exist and yet you sit here and waste your whole day dreaming about her.”

Josh shrugs and says, “I don’t see what’s wrong with that”

“Dude!” Nath clasps his head in frustration. “We have been coursemates for almost two years now. She sits three… No two tables away from us and yet common Hi you cannot say. You’re just a stupid coward”

Josh takes a long pause and laughs hysterically. “Why is it paining you? Its not as if you have a girlfriend. You barely even talk to them”

“At least I’ve not had a crush for two years.” Nath snorts.

“See Nath, I know its not easy. Its never gonna be. We are the geeks of this generation and geeks don’t have hot girlfriends in school”

“Says who?” Nath replies. “Bill Gates had a girlfriend, and a hot one too”

“Yea, I know.” Josh replies sarcastically. “I’ve forgotten you guys are pen pals. Please say hi to him for me the next time you guys talk”



“See.. See.. I don’t have time for this. I need to finish this book. Chimamanda has got my heart.

Josh hisses. “Yea right. Boring Writer”

“What do you know? Ordinary GST you failed, common English language and yet you have the guts to criticize a writer. Olodo”

Josh casts a glance at him and hisses. “That is for your pocket. Stay there and enjoy your boring book while I enjoy Fifa.” He walks over to the Playstation console and switches it on.

The game starts running and Josh jeers and makes comments to disturb Nath on purpose. Nath looks over a couple of times as his attention is slowly captivated by the soccer game.

“What kind of boy is this?” He mutters under his breath. “I really need to finish this book.” The words are barely out of his mouth that electricity was interrupted. He looks up at the now blank TV screen and bursts out laughing.

“Now, let me see how you’ll enjoy your Fifa. Nepa! God bless you!” He exclaimed.

Josh doesn’t reply and just returns to his bed to continue his favorite past time.

“Ode! Be dreaming about her there. Don’t go and look for something to do with your life”

“F*ck you!”


The alarm rang through the classroom and everyone looked in the direction it was coming from

“Tope!” The Lecturer bawled.
“How many times have I told you to keep your phone off in my class?”

Tope looked on in ironic shame. A smile played along his lips and it betrayed his attempted apologetic stare.

“I’m sorry sir”

“Don’t sorry me. This is the last time I’m going to condone this. The next time this happens, you will be banned from my class. And I mean that literally.”

Tope looked on in confusion, his mind desperately trying to decipher the ‘big’ word Mr Durojaye just used. He stabs at Josh with his leg and asks’ “Abeg Joshua, what is lite..litera..lly”

“Jesus” Josh gasps while Nath holds himself from bursting out in laughter.

“You don’t know the meaning of literally?” Josh asks.

“If I did, would I ask you?” Tope whispers back.

“Ok o.” Josh sighs. “Literally is used where…” He stops to think. “Nath, how do you define literally?”

Nath chuckles and holds his breath to stop himself from laughing. Then he bends over and whispers; “Literally is a special type of word used to confuse idiots.”

Both of them burst out laughing and attract the attention of the lecturer.

“Nathaniel Bassey! Joshua Fela! Get out of my class.”

“We are sorry sir.” They chorus.

“I said Get out!” He shouts.

They look up to see the blood shot eyes of a visibly angry history teacher and hurriedly pack their stuff.
As they exit the classroom, Josh casts a last glance at Ronke. Her ebony hair slouched over her shoulder and her hand was fiddling with her pen in obvious boredom.
At the last second, she looks in his direction and he quickly looks away.

As they walk along the corridor, they continue their discussion.

“Tope is dumb.” Josh says

“Dumb is an understatement.” Nath replies. “How won’t you know the meaning of literally? Did he skip secondary school?”

“I wonder o! I can bet that alarm would still ring again. He has no sense. I wonder how girls fall for him.”

“Because they are dumb too.” They both laugh.

“Not all girls sha. Ronke is a very…” The sound of the alarm followed by Mr Durojaye’s voice cut him short; “Tope! Get out!”

“Ode!” Nath exclaimed. “There is no hope for him”

“I second that”

They giggle and run off towards their dormitory.

To be Continued next week

Thanks for Reading.
Pls share your comments and views below.

Mike Dammy

Ff @damstylee on twitter

Miss Procrastination: Prologue

Miss Procrastination

Miss Procrastination

It is not news anymore what procrastination is (This opening line is a cliche right?… I figured… 😦 Unfortunately, I couldn’t think of anything creative.)

It is also not news that billions of people daily miss out on opportunities as a result of it.

I am assuming you have been a victim once or a couple of times to this destiny halting virus and you might have regretted falling prey to it then.

Procrastination in itself can be in different forms. It ranges from overlooking “little” duties like not putting the toilet seat back up to mega experiences like postponing preparing for an examination or a job interview.

Whichever one you have indulged in; so far you have been a victim, then this post is for you.

Why procrastination though? You might ask.

There are thousands of more pressing issues at hand that need correcting. Permit me to ask you one simple question, how many books of procrastination have you seen? You enter stores, bookshops and libraries and you see shelves and more shelves on books on relationships, money management, time management but nobody really has time to settle down and address a virus that peculiar to all these issues. Believe it or not, procrastination is a major reason as to why you might not be able to manage your funds or time. It is also a reason as to why you haven’t found a spouse yet when others are getting married. That just means you are overlooking something i.e. procrastinating something that just seems unimportant but is indeed very important.

One thing that still borders me though is why great authors and visioners have overlooked writing on this issue. I am prone to believing the manuscripts on it are lying fallow in some drawer or computer folder somewhere; “antics of procrastination”. Maybe that’s my inspiration or perhaps this is just a result of the quote that says “It’s what pisses you off the most that you are meant to solve”

But still, how do you manage time when you don’t feel like doing so?  How do you get to plan your expenses when her fangs are curled around your neck? What do you do then?

I sense that you are wondering who “she” is. Well, let me shock you like my favorite chaplain would say; Procrastination is a spirit and a female one at that. I’ll resist the urge to go in all spiritual so you don’t get scared off. So, I will just stick with the natural aspect of her. Procrastination is a lady. Yes, a beautiful, hour glass-shaped, British accented, red carpet stunner and I kid you not. That is exactly who he is.

To the ladies and women out there though, Procrastination is a hot dude. Take three (3) seconds to think of the most attractive man you’ve ever met or seen. If you are having troubles with imagining, just think of Dwayne Johnson (The Rock) or Channing Tatum. Done?

Mr Procrastination is hotter than that!

I hope I have gotten your attention now. The excitement or shock you feel now is exactly what I felt when I stumbled on this information. And the application of wisdom via this knowledge has helped me to an extent in resisting the urges of her aura and it still works till today.

Why should you listen to me?

I wonder also but trust me, I would love if John C. Maxwell, Ziglar or some other bad-ass motivational speaker or business mogul write this article but I’m guessing that’s not their calling. Or maybe they aren’t as pissed as I am. So don’t look at me with the eyes of a young man or unaccomplished minor and open your mind to the possibility that you might just learn from this.

Finally, let me welcome you again to my thoughts in words as I open your eyes and teach you the methods of being in total or almost total control of your time, finances and life by addressing the issue behind all the issues and most importantly, standing up to the temptations and tantrums she might just toss your way.

Get ready to tame a dragon.

Get ready to resist the best seducer ever and

Get ready to be inspired.

To get a proper review to what this motivational series might entail, I will recommend you read an article on this topic I published some months back. You can read it Here


Mike Dammy



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Thank you for Reading. Do come back again.


Diary of a CU student 1

Do I have to explain what this is about.
I can tell you it’s new and it’s about life in CU.. Covenant University… That’s all I can say. You find out the rest yourself!

• • •

Sup diary!
So, I saw her today, oh I didn’t.
Saw her yesterday though and she looked as beautiful as ever. even under the fluorescent light in chapel. We chatted, she gave me an eye patch and now am down with shock. There was an highlight yesterday though; I finally met Kehinde and she looked stunning as ever. Not that I’ve ever seen her but she does look better than her pictures. And my friend told me she gotten more endowed… ooohh…
Sorry for not introducing myself, my name is Tomiwa Gabriel and I’m a CU student. Don’t believe me? Chill…
I am a 400 level Archi student. yeah, am in the so called proud Archi family. Still don’t believe me? well, I am in Daniel hall, D210. I have two roommates, Kola and Dammy; they don’t know am mentioning them so you better don’t tell them.
Moving on; why you’re reading my diary, I really don’t know but am pretty sure one of my roommates is leaking this. Probably gonna be Dami.. He’s really dedicated with that his blog but who cares???!!! I’m more into dancing and fashion. Come to think of it, Redef is gonna be in a few days. REDEF!!! Truthfully Diary, I should be one of the models but one of my course mates participating refused to let me…
Are you gonna wear a skirt?! was what she asked me. How was I supposed to know she was into female wears alone. I know guys have told me I have hips but that’s not enough to enter as a female model, or is it?
Sha sha… am going for Redef. Its holding in Cafe 1; I would have preferred Chapel but Pastor Victor said Chapel is for God only and I totally agree with him. Or how do you expect to feel when some girls are cat walking and guys are drooling in his house?! If I were God, I’ll slap nonsense out of them!
Ehn Ehn… did you hear we are paying for Redef??!! I almost forgot. I even planned am not going again. Do you know how much 500 naira is?! At least I’ll buy 250 naira food and buy five alive. Abi don’t you see sense in what am saying? and VIP is now 1000 naira! VVIP is now 3000 naira!!!
3000 naira!!!!
That’s someone’s monthly allowance1… Maybe not tho… no, it is jor. I won’t tell you names but am sure I know people getting 3000 a month. They just won’t tell you. Is it not CU students? from TM lawal to Guchi Amerni and Addidos, they’ve rocked them die!! You’ll see them everywhere but you’ll not know. They sharply cut the tag off when they buy it and come and tell you they bought it in ICM and TM store. TM store kor… Marina ni…
Got to go now… was gonna gist you about today’s TMCs class. we talked about marriage.. eww right? It was interesting sha… Let me run before Dammy comes and catches me with his laptop. He’ll not let someone hear word… mscheww… I still prefer Kola to him but that one’s muscles too are frightening… Anyhow sha…. See you tomorrow!

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Thank you for Reading.
Mike Dammy

Are you a Learner? Ep 7 : Mr Kanayo’s story

If “IMAGES” have been turned off on the device with which you’re viewing this post, I’ll advice you to turn them bac on to get the full zest in the story.
Also, make sure the image later in the story loads completely, else you’ll be pretty much lost.

No need for further introduction, I, myself, Mike Dammy wrote this episode.
Please subscribe to the blog to get updates on latest episodes and articles and do drop your comments and share the post when you’re done.

Here goes nothing.
• • •

Kanayo was a bad guy.
He was rich and popular. Had estates and villas in every city in nigeria. He was however proud and always walked about in his designer clothes and sun glasses even at 1am.
Another crazy aspect about him was his barrages with women, girls and anything that had skirt on. God save you, you dress like that Nigerian superstar *coughs* with the high heels and he catches you, you’re off. Rumours have it that he did kidnap the superstar though and kept him for some days. What happened is still a mystery to the media but inside sources say the superstar left with a limp sustained from excess sprints on the treadmill (if you believe that story, Are you a learner 8 is definitely going to be about you).

Kanayo had one guy that was his G, Chris. They walked together, clubbed together and did almost everything together. Sources say they were actually never close but who knows, this celebs have a way of keeping their stories confusing to the masses.

Anyways, one day, Kanayo proclaimed on national Tv; CNN, (no offence to NTA) that he was ready to settle down and get married. This news caused a uproar in the country. Thousands and thousands of guys got dumped and Spas became the business of the day.

• • •

Kimberly was a beautiful dashing young lady.
She graced all the red carpet events, even the ones for top talents. Problem was that she had no talent, not even one but her pretty face, stunning body and her penchant love for scandals made her one of the most sought after celebs in the country, but that was for a short while.

One afternoon, when the sun was scorching hot, and village boys relaxed under the mango tree after their escapades with the girls. News filtered everywhere that a video of Kimberly was trending. The video had her in compromising positions with a popular fuji musician whose career was dangling in the balance. Some people say they ate the forbidden fruit too, but owning to our standards, we haven’t been able to watch and confirm if this is true even till this day. So that’s how Kimberly became famous.

Four years later, her fame was beginning to dwindle and she sought for a way to resurrect it.
Alas, she saw Kanayo’s proclamation on Tv and she knew she was home and dry.

• • •

Its been six months since Kanayo’s proclamation swept the media. Kanayo’s now deeply in love and engaged to Miss Kimberly. Last week, she announced that she was pregnant. Many people refused to believe but they later ate their hearts out when they found out labels like Dudu osun, Trebor and Yoyo Bitters were clamoring over each other for her signature in their next advert which was to include a pregnant lady.

• • •

Another scandal broke out this morning as expected.
It took six months but the masses have finally gotten a chance to say “I told you so”. Our sources got information that Kanayo is not the father of Kimberly’s daughter but Chris.
Attempts to get to Mr Kanayo or Miss Kimberly has proved futile. We however did get to Mr Chris and he left us with one statement;

    I don’t know for sure but am sure one of us (talking of himself and Mr Kanayo) has been a Learner at this.
    I’m pretty sure I know how to use a condom..

What the statement means actually is still decisive..

Did he mean Mr Kanayo should have worn contraceptives?
Had he warned Mr Kanayo about Miss Kimberly before?

That statement leaves many questions to be answered, but we’ll leave you to guess how the story will end.

If you really believe the characters; Mr Kanayo, Miss Kimberly and Mr Chris are real, you’re not very literate.
If you believe the story isn’t real, you are definitely a learner.
If you still don’t know what(who) am talking about, it is well with you. Just scroll down.

    Spoilt Milk never gets good overnight.... Note this.

Err….. I think we’re done here….

    “Remember, Spoilt milk never gets good overnight”

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Thank you for Reading.

Mike Dammy